mental games

i have lots and lots going on inside of my head right now. i'm asking myself the classic question i ask myself just about everyday: "why is this so hard?" when truthfully it isn't that hard, because i've done it, and i've been successful, i've felt the hard work payoff.

today i had breakfast with an old family friend Sophie. she said that she just wanted to get to a point where her food wasn't something she was always thinking about. i advised, that it will always be something that we'll think about. maybe it won't be as much, or as time consuming, but because we are trying to be healthy living individuals. food is something that we (i) will think about the rest of my life. it is somewhat sicking to be honest. their are parts of this battle that are truly never ending.

my mind is not on the same page as the rest of me, and it is setting me behind. i know what the right decision is, but when it comes to actually making the decision and putting what is right into my mouth, i put what is bad. and i know that it is bad. it's like my mental self is saying "you'll lose that 20 pounds another time." i need to kick that mental part of me in the ass, literally. i need to take over control. i mean people lose 20 pounds all the time. it really isn't all that much. i would maybe even say that's the average amount of what people say they want to lose as their new years resolution. you could probably name a handful of people who have lost 20 pounds. how many people do you know have lost 90 pounds? that's probably a little bit more rare. or maybe you just don't know people who would need to lose 100+ pounds. what i'm saying, or what i'm trying to tell myself is that i can do this. and i know that i've typed these words out tons of times before...but nearly not as often as i tell myself as i try to fall asleep at night.

i just wish that it got easier. but the brutal truth is that it doesn't. if anything for me, it has gotten harder. i wouldn't trade it for the world, but having the social circle that i now have and going out with friends, dating, all of it and dieting, it is hard. but it is life. it has been almost one year since i started slimgenics. and i'm still in my weight loss stage. am i discouraged by this?, no not really. i have memories that will last me a lifetime, along with some lifelong friends. i know that they support me, and will always be there for me.

strike! 60min
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