Just Me, Myself, and I

my valentine

2012-02-14T13:48:00.002-07:00

this year's valentine is extra special. i am celebrating it with my Valentine for life! and well for me there is a lot to celebrate in that. even more special is that we're pretty much extending the "holiday" to be a week long event. it started last night when i did this and made him this. then today he sent me beautiful roses (love the different colors...red roses are just so easy). tonight we're going to a benefit for Chris' work called Hearts of All Ages. followed by a date night Saturday night! i am so loved and oh so lucky to have this man be my valentine.
here is a just a glimpse of some of the things i love:

he's funny

he's patient

he lets me cuddle with him every night

he's simple

he's motivated

he's forward looking (plans for the future)

he's open and honest

he likes Michael Jackson

he's a nice dresser

he gets me roses for Valentine's day

he loves me for me, completely

Happy Valentine's Day <3!!!

Letting It All Go

2012-02-13T19:09:00.004-07:00

We all have issues we need to deal with. Our past and history and how to intertwine them with our present. Pieces of us that we will always be, but wanting those parts to leave us for forever. I have lots of these issues. The most evident one is the fat girl in me. To me I’ll always be this person, even though I honestly want nothing to do with her. Obviously this issue is all in my head. And I can only hope that with time my issue with this will get less and less. The most recent example with this happened at the shop where I found my wedding dress. When the consultant lady was explaining to me the lay-out of the store and what was where she pointed to rack that specifically had dresses sized 20 and above. She was immediate to point out and tell me to NOT look at that rack, she basically said “this rack won’t have anything for you, because obviously you aren’t that size.” Now, of course she didn't say it like that, but I'm sure you get the point. The way she said it was very matter of factly, but when she first pointed it out my first thought was “well I need to go look at that rack.” The perception of myself is still definitely a size 26. But by the end of having that thought and hearing the end of statement of “you don’t need to look at that rack” I was brought back to reality of “oh, she’s right, I don’t need to look at that rack.”

The other issue I’m having lately is of my relationship. To be completely honest I haven’t let all of my walls down with Chris. I’ve had this timeline in my head for as long as I can remember of meeting my husband, having him propose, planning my wedding, getting married, having babies. This vision has always been with me, even during the time when I thought marriage might not ever be in my future and when I grew completely happy with that. But my reality is that my dreams and my vision have all come true.

Meet someone and have this undeniable connection. Have someone who communicates with me, and is honest with me. Fall in love. Proposal around the six month time frame. Plan a fall wedding.

My dream is my reality. When does that ever happen in life?! How did I get so lucky?! What makes me so deserving?! Since when do things happen, exactly how you’ve always envisioned them?! Right now this is my big struggle. I’m basically complaining about having everything I have ever wanted. How screwed up, am I?! I find myself saying “If it’s probably too good to be true, it probably is.” So, I have this huge fear that one day Chris will wake up and decide he doesn’t want to be with me. That he’ll find something in me that he doesn’t want in a partner/wife. I’ve let him know many many times that for me marriage is a onetime thing. I want one life with this one person. That’s it, the end. I don’t want one life with someone a couple kids, just to start over, and have to write a whole other book. I want one book, with lots of different chapter’s with the same person.

I’m in full on wedding planning mood…and I don’t think I’ve let it sink in yet. At times I feel like I’m planning someone else’s wedding. I haven’t let go. I need to let go. For my own mental health, for the health of my relationship with my future husband. I don’t know if it is because previously I was single for so long. Not used to having to answer to someone always being able to be independent and do my own thing. Or if it is because I’m scared. Even though Chris has done nothing (seriously nothing) to make me thing I have something to be scared of. He reassures me constantly. I suppose it is probably a combination of all the above. The issue is truly all with me. And it is a problem for me to deal with, and Chris to be aware of. …which he is and we both know that in the end everything will be fine. I just wish that I could figure out what I need to do, because I think once I do completely let go I’ll be so much happier, and will be able to enjoy this time so much more. A lot of me is focusing on relishing in this time in my life. This once in a lifetime time. I know it is going to go so fast, so for now I'm going to work on all parts of me. The person from a couple of years ago, to over-coming depression, working hard and losing 90-pounds, being happily single, all the way to happily engaged. One person.

wedding planning 102

2012-02-07T20:10:00.003-07:00

alright friends and readers, advice seeking in regards to the wedding registry. this is one of the wedding "to-do's" chris and i have on our agenda for the month of february.

the etiquette books say to register at two to three places. chris thinks that more than one is too much, i think two is just right, and that three is too many. but i keep going back and forth on this. right now we have plans to register at both macys and target. although i kinda like the idea of also doing a registry at a more "specialty" place, like crate and barrel. what are your thoughts?

secondly, what do we register for? now i do have some items in mind, and i'm sure we'll find things to register for and come up with a good list. but we are both in our 30's and have the bulk of what it is that we need. we even have two of a lot of things since he moved in.
plus, i think registering will be hard. we obviously won't be in this house that i bought for forever, and i can't help but think that i'll want to register for items that will be used in the future. but that seems silly, because then those items will just go unused until we do move. and what if when we do move that the items i selected don't fit right with the house? so even though it seems like a good thought in theory in the long run, it couldn't be that great of an idea and end up just being a waste.

so any ideas you have please feel free to share and provide your input!

just right and all things white

2012-02-01T16:53:00.007-07:00

it's too plain, it's too much bling, it's too different, it's too white, it's too puffy, it has too many pleats, it doesn't have enough pleats, it's too much.
trying to find the right wedding dress is hard. after my first wedding dress experience in albuquerque over christmas, i felt i had a good direction. then followed my second experience in denver. i found a dress that made me feel like a princess. this was a feeling i was not searching for, and i was very surprised when that was the feeling that dress gave me. please note: the princess feeling dress isn't the dress, but i still got that feeling with the dress i did select.
this past weekend was literally three full days of wedding wedding and more wedding.
the MOT-B and i spend the most amount of time in search for the wedding dress. we went to five different bridal salon's all over denver. i selected four of these shops based on looking at various wedding dress websites and reviews.
the first one was saturday morning. the shop was beautiful and probably the biggest we went to. my consultant was very nice and personable and at first i had a lot of fun. then we left, and realized that i didn't try on any of the dresses on my list. you see while looking at the websites and shopping for dresses i made a list of designers and specific styles that i liked. and the previous experience i had, the consultant searched for the dresses on my list. this consultant didn't do that. lame. so i honestly felt that the time we spent at the first shop on saturday was a waste of time.
second shop was in downtown denver. we arrive, and nobody ever approached us. i had made an appointment. so we walked around browsed the dresses, and found that nothing really stood out and most of the gowns were either right at my budget or way above and beyond. there really wasn't anything that i felt i had to try on, so after scoping out the whole store, we left. lame.
third shop was at a shop that i had been to previously. so i knew what to expect. and already had dresses that i knew i would be trying on. the consultant at this shop was super nice. and the rapport was already there since we had worked together when i was there two weeks prior.
fourth shop was first thing monday morning. i had high hopes for this shop. we arrived right when it opened. i was immediately disappointed as i was selected to be with a woman who was easily in her 70's. i knew right away this wasn't going to be the experience i wanted it to be. i tried on four or five dresses, and left within an hour.
since my expectations weren't met with that first shop on monday i decided we had time to go to one other shop before taking my mom to the airport. on a whim we went to a shop that out of all of them, is the closest to my house. this shop originally wasn't on my list to try because they don't take appointments. and i knew my mom and i would be on borrowed time so i didn't want to bother. but since it was in the middle of the morning on a monday, i figured why not? while on the drive to this shop, i had a little bit of a break down.
i felt defeated. i was questioning everything. i was wondering if i even knew what it was i was looking for in a wedding gown, because nothing seemed right. i was looking for the perfect experience of finding my wedding dress. in a word: i was emotional. on top of all of that, i was rushed. we only had an hour before we had to be off to the airport. upon entering the fifth bridal shop in three days i immediately started looking at gowns. a consultant approached me and i told her that i was flustered, and that i was in a hurry, and that i had a list. she took my list, and pulled what she had, while i shopped. we had our own private room with room for my mom and a pedestal for me to stand on, and this immediately helped with time, because we just didn't have time to waste. i tried on a few dresses and then somewhere somehow in all of this madness all the stars aligned and

i
found
the
dress!

i had my "say yes to the dress moment" and it was magical, and it was the perfect moment to share with my mom. we burst into tears and hugged and cried, and cried some more. then we got out of there once the dress was ordered and rushed to the airport.
here are some of the NO dresses.

maggie sottero ~ dixie

maggie sottero ~ desirae

mori lee ~ 1658

maggie sottero ~ naomi

maggie sottero ~ mirin

alfred angelo ~ 848

i guess it's true that you find what you are looking for, when you aren't even looking. i had no intentions of going to this shop, and even the dress i did select wasn't one that was on my "list". so i definitely believe that it was just meant to be. just how chris and i were: meant to be. (let's all have a collective awww moment!)
what does my dress look like you ask? well in my opinion it's the perfect combination of all of the above. it's beautiful, and romantic, and detailed, and a little bit different, and flattering, and has all the right pleats in all the right places, and most importantly it's mine!
i've decided to not share my specific dress with the world until after the wedding. right now the only ones who know about my dress are the MOT-B and my bridesmaids. everyone else will just have to wait until october.

the MOT-B

2012-01-26T17:29:00.004-07:00

mom and i @ the mother's day 5k ~ 2011

i can't remember exactly, but on our 2nd or 3rd trip to our new church the pastor told a story about the Mother Of The Bride. aka the MOT-B. i thought it was ironic since Chris and I were recently engaged, and my mother was so excited to be the mother of the bride.
the story went something like this. the MOT-B did lots of planning and prepping for her daughter's wedding, and wanting everything to go perfectly. the day had arrived, and as the bride heads to walk down the aisle with her father, the bride walks through the reception area grabbing bites to eat, and taking drinks, as the bride hasn't eaten all day. she reaches her father and they walk down the aisle, the bride is mixed with nerves and an all of a sudden full stomach. once she reaches her soon to be groom, she looks over at her mother and throws-up all over the place.
the lesson - you can plan and plan, and things will still go wrong.
i told this story to my mom, and she immediately held onto the title "the MOT-B". now my mom isn't anything like the mother of the bride described above. in fact, she has made it clear many times that this is day is all about Chris and I, and that Chris and I are the boss! (thanks mom!)
well i'm super excited to have my MOT-B arriving in Denver tomorrow to go over all things wedding!!!! i seriously can't wait to have her here all to myself, for her to get to know Chris more, for her to see us as a couple in the comfort of our own home.
the main events are wedding dress shopping and attending a bridal fair! in addition to a couple of caterers, invitations, flowers, music, etc...

Not this Year

2012-01-22T20:52:00.005-07:00

Unlike some years in the not so distant past, I was not alone this year for my birthday. This year Chris planned a fun date night. It started with dinner at Corridor 44 along Larimer Square. This restaurant had an awesome atmosphere and has tons of champagne to try! So Chris and I got a champagne flute (or flight?, I can't remember what they call them) to share!

Cheers!

After dinner we went over to Lannie's clocktower Cabaret Show! Chris and I have talked about going to this show in the past, so it was a pleasant surprise. Chris went all out, and got us front-row VIP tickets! The show itself was 2.5 hours of pure entertainment. So funny, and just over-all a blast. The burlesque dancers were cute and had lots of personality, and at one point in time both Chris and I were up on stage! ...him tossing marshmallows into a girl's mouth on a unicycle, and me receiving burlesque dance instructions on how to "shake it"!
During the one intermission a magician came out and did a card trick just for us. He had both Chris and I select a card from the stack of 52 cards. I put my card back into the pile, while Chris was instructed to tear his card long-ways. The magician then ripped the card in two more spots, giving me one of the torn-up pieces to hold on to. Then, right before our eyes he put the card back together! Once he completed that he came back to my card by saying "You selected a card..." after going back and forth a little about how he was going to predict what card I selected, he finally goes "What if I told you, your card is somewhere on you, in an impossible place? ...how about you like on your right forearm." At that moment he walks away, I lift my arm from the table and pull up my sleeve and see a stamp on my forearm that reads "9 of hearts". ...which you guessed it, was the card I selected at the beginning of the trick!

How'd he do that?!

after the show with my pink feather boa!

The Denver clocktower has lots of significance for Chris and I. Behind the clocktower is a little park area with grass, where Chris and I sat and got to know one another on our second date. It's also where he took me to propose in November. It's in the heart of downtown, right on the 16th Street Mall, and beautiful. It's one of the historic buildings in Denver, and just...pretty.
I've definitely had memorable birthdays in my past, along with some birthdays I would rather just forget. But this one will always be near and dear to my heart, as I shared it with my future husband. And we had a great time, full of lots of laughs and happy memories!

Looking Back

2012-01-19T11:36:00.004-07:00

birthday cupcake from Cathy...don't mind if I do!

Today is my birthday.

Today I am 32.

I treated myself to a breakfast burrito this morning, and while eating it at my desk I took a trip down memory lane.

I've stated in the past that my birthday is a big deal to me, and it's important that I make it special for me. I've also stated that one great thing about this blog is the ability to go back in time and experience the past, if for anything to remember. So this morning, I took myself back. I've come a really long way.

I clicked on each January for the past years that I've blogged. 2009, 2010, 2011.

2010 to 2011 was obviously the biggest physical change. It was interesting reading some of my posts from 2009...when I first started to really working out. How some of the classes that I consider "easy" now were so difficult.

Then looking at 2010...what a big year that was for me. Starting off in Savannah, yearning for so much change, that I had no idea required so much discipline.

Then last year.

Who knew that celebrating my birthday last year that this year I would be engaged, and planning a fall wedding?!

Seriously, who knew? I really wish I would have known!!!

Then I read this.

I still feel like I have so much more I need to do. And obviously we are always moving forward, always changing...even though there are times when we want nothing to change. But the truth is we can't change change. We just can't. It's gonna happen.

I try hard to only write things in my blog that I know will happen. Things that I have control over. Why write something, write a plan, or a promise, to not follow through? I try hard to only write down my actions, to write what I am already doing. Not what I want to do...because what's the point in that?

I'm getting off topic here...I have lots in head. But today I want to relish in the fact that going forward I will no longer be spending my birthday alone. That I've come so far in the past few years, and that I still have so far to go.

My friend Angela recently stated this as her facebook status: "Love is..." and I wrote "Truly being happy with yourself to love someone unconditionally." We don't expect other's to put a condition on the love that they give us, why should we expect any less from ourselves? I've stated many times that you have to be happy with yourself alone, before you can be happy with yourself in a relationship. And looking back at what I wrote in the past, it feels good that I was happy. That I came to terms with my life and what I had at that moment. Because even though I wanted more, I appreciated what I had. And now this year's birthday celebration will be even more special!

the planner bride

2012-01-11T20:24:00.004-07:00

I've been thinking about a wedding post update for a while now. Mainly because I have so much to cover, and more questions to ask, and thinking about how I just want to come out with it all. And that got me asking myself "what kind of bride am I?"
I am the planner bride.
I can confidently say that I'm on top of it. I know that the next nine months are going to fly by, and I want to make sure I'm part of it all. I'm cherishing this time and my mind is in over-drive planning this day that in the not so distant past I thought would never come. I think the fact that all of this change has happened has made me appreciate what I now have. It's crazy to think about all the details that they are seriously keeping me up at night.
At first the big question was whether or not there was even going to be a wedding. ...my father at first voiced his wishes to have the wedding in Albuquerque with a Catholic ceremony, or he wouldn't helped with the cost. Thankfully since then, he has come around, and is ok with the wedding in Denver with a Methodist ceremony. Most recently my mind is consumed with the wedding dress. The bridesmaid dresses, the gifts, the flowers, the music, the order in which things will go on the day.
Overall though things are good.
While I was in Albuquerque for Christmas my mom and two of my bridesmaid's came with me to try on wedding dresses! This experience was exactly what I wanted. Which was to give me a direction for what I want. Above is my favorite one that I tried on that day. And I'm going again on Saturday to try on gowns here in Denver.
The other major accomplishment that we got done in Albuquerque were the wedding favors. We're doing something with clear glass/plastic Christmas ornaments. So, the day after Christmas my mom and I got up early and went shopping, and got 130 ornaments, some ribbon, and some candles(for the reception) for $70! So the favors are done!
The rest of this month we'll be taste testing and interviewing three different caterers, along with more dress shopping. My mom is coming up at the end of the month to meet us with one of the caterers, continue the dress hunt, and to go to a bridal fair!
Next month we'll be going hotel shopping for our guests to stay at, along with registering.
I think I feel so prepared because of the time Chris and I spent talking about our wedding when we drove back to Denver from Kearney for our Thanksgiving visit. We pretty much spent that 5 hour drive going over all the details and the timeline in which they need to be completed by. We discussed our vision, and what we want for our day.
Our colors: royal blue, silver, with coral accents. My favorite flower is the bird of paradise, and I want that accented in the bridesmaid bouquets along with the center pieces. The over all feel to be romantic and elegant, not tropical.
It was important for me to get married in a church. Because even though I'm technically not practicing a specific religion I've always envisioned myself getting married in a church. For a long time I always thought I would get married in the Catholic church I grew up in, but then shortly after I moved to Denver the church was remodeled, and now it just unattractive, and I knew after seeing it remodeled I wouldn't get married there. So, once Chris and I got engaged I Googled church options, and found this Methodist church. I called and they had our date available, I made an appointment to go check it out. They have this adorable little, intimate chapel, with stained glass, and even though this was the only placed I checked out, I knew it was the one. The other perk, is that it's close to where our reception will be held! That next Sunday, Chris and I went to our first service there, and we really liked it. We then set up an appointment to meet up with a pastor to marry us. We met with the secondary pastor, who honestly I wasn't really impressed with. So after a few more Sunday services and being introduced to the head pastor, Chris asked if he would marry us. He advised us to call the church office so that they could check his availability, and now he is officially going to marry us! This was a big relief for me, as I want our ceremony to have lots of energy, and this pastor will definitely provide that!
Slowly but surely everything is falling into place.
Now the details: I know October 5, 2012 will be here before I know it. Our ceremony is going to be held at the Broomfield United Methodist Church, following will be the reception at The Chateaux at Fox Meadows. I have set up a wedding website, but that isn't quite ready to be shared (I'm waiting for Chris to ask his groomsmen to be his groomsmen!).
More and more I'm getting a clear vision of it all, and I know a huge weight will be lifted when my dress is selected, along with the bridesmaid dresses! Because seriously this is something I just can't get enough of at this moment!
Honestly I take comfort in knowing that in less than 9 months I'll be married. It seems like just enough time. For me, I can't help but think that if I were to be engaged for 13+ months, that time would just drag. But since this is already less than a year a way, time is going to go by so fast. But I still have enough time to put attention on all the details and not feel rushed. Especially since we do have all the big stuff out of the way.
I know that everything else will just fall into place!

holiday break 2011

2012-01-07T13:33:00.005-07:00

I have lots of things that I love. About my life, about Chris, and about our lives together. One of things I love is the fact we both work in corporate America. A perk to this is that we both only take 4 days off from work and get a week and a half off. Granted this isn't a full 2 week break, but it's pretty darn close, and I'll take it!
Chris and I decided back in July that we would spend Christmas in Albuquerque. This was a big deal, because never had I brought a boyfriend home for the holidays. ...actually lets change boyfriend to fiance! I was super excited to share my crazy and loving family with him.
Then in October/November we decided we would save some money and drive. I've always flown home for Christmas, just because the weather is such a risk. And over the past 9 Christmas' only 2 have had bad road conditions. One of those two were this (last) year! In addition to the stress of the weather, I always stress when I go home (fiance or not). I want everything to go good, and to make everyone happy. What I hate the most about this self imposed stress that I put on myself, is that it always turns out just fine. Even though I know it'll be fine, I still stress out and have a couple of freak out moments.
Once the drive down was complete (we did hit some snow-packed and icy roads south of Pueblo and north of Trinidad) all was great.

Christmas Eve was spent at my cousin Kari's. She did a great job hosting, as this was the first time in probably 20 years the Christmas Eve dinner wasn't at my Aunt Patti's. We had lots of great food, and Chris was a fabulous addition to the festivities.

I planned a special date night for the two of us, to go up the Sandia Peak Tram, then dinner in Old Town. Sounds fantastic right? See the sun set in Albuquerque...as the city does produce some pretty majestic color, then have a nice dinner...

Well due to high winds, we experienced a stay much longer atop the base of the tram...about four hours! So no nice dinner was had. But overall still a fun night.
The last night we were in town, I had planned our 6th Annual Girl Cousin Dinner at the Melting Pot! Such fun as always with these girls!

Nikki, me, Cheryl, and Kari

New Year's Eve was reserved for just Chris and I. With all of the traveling we do, none of it has really been for the sole purpose of just the two of us. And that's what New Year's Eve was for. We traveled away for just us and no one else. We went up to Estes Park, CO (about an hour and fifteen minutes away) and got a private cabin! Talk about getting away and relaxing, that's what we did for 2 nights.

We did travel out on New Year Eve's day. We went to a winery, and walked around the town and shops. Then off to one of the best meals either one of us has ever had. We had dinner at Twin Owls Steakhouse. And oh my goodness, I'm still salivating over this delicious meal! My meal was pinon crusted chicken with mushrooms, grilled veggies, and white cheddar whipped mashed potatoes with green chiles! For the most part sounds like a pretty basic meal, but wow oh wow the flavor was amazing! So if you are ever in this small mountain town, you have got to go check it out!
Overall my holiday break was great. I got a lot of accomplished with the wedding...that update is coming up next!, with some quality time with my future husband. Not too shabby.
Here's to the rest of a great 2012!

treadmill 15min/elliptical 25min

2011 year in review

2012-01-04T18:23:00.002-07:00

What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before? Found true love
Did you keep your new year's resolution, and will you make one for next year? No, and yes.
Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes, my friend Sarah.
Did anyone close to you die? Sorta. My cousin's grandma, and my fiance's great-grandmother.
What countries did you visit? Just my own, and lots of new states: Wyoming, Nebraska, Kansas, Missouri, and Arkansas.
What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011? A more challenging job with higher pay.
What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? 5/21 the date I met Chris. 11/21 the date Chris proposed.
What was your biggest achievement of the year? Finding love.
What was your biggest failure? Not losing 20-30 pounds.
Did you suffer illness or injury? Yes, I got super sick in January. I hurt my back in November followed by a weird 24 hour bug thingy.
What was the best thing you bought? A new nice king size bed.
Whose behavior merited celebration? Um, my own?
Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Some people on Facebook, which is why I blocked their news feed.
Where did most of your money go? Mortgage and bills.
What did you get really, really, really excited about? Getting engaged!
What song will always remind you of 2011? "Brighter than the Sun" by Colbie Caillat
Compared to this time last year, are you? a) happier or sadder? Happier. b) thinner or fatter? Fatter, by about 8 pounds. (sad face.) c) richer or poorer? Richer.
What do you wish you'd done more of? Gym time.
What do you wish you'd done less of? Honestly, I don't know.
How did you spend Christmas? In Albuquerque with my family and my fiance.
Did you fall in love in 2011? Yes, I did!
What was your favorite TV program? Probably Dancing with the Stars.
Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I don't think so?
What was the best book you read? I've read lots of books last year, and unfortunately I can't think of the best one.
What was your greatest musical discovery? Couldn't tell you.
What did you want and get? My future husband.
What did you want and not get? A weight loss.
What was your favorite film of this year? I'm gonna say Breaking Dawn part I
What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I put together a birthday dinner at one of my favorite restaurants: Vesta Dipping Grill, then had a huge dance party with about 30 of my friends.
What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Losing those last 20 pounds!
How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011? Good.
What kept you sane? Chris
Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Reese Witherspoon
What political issue stirred you the most? No comment.
Who did you miss? My friend Tina...who I unfortunately didn't get to see at all last year.
Who was the best new person you met? Chris.
Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011. That all of the good thoughts and happy vibes you put out there in the world will come back to you/prayers are answered.
Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. "I've never seen it, I found this love, I'm gonna feed it, You better believe, I'm gonna treat it better than anything I've ever had, Cause you're so damn beautiful."

stolen from emily (again)
jog/run 30min

Nutrition

2012-01-02T20:09:00.005-07:00

sunset from atop Sandia Peak Tram

You have to find and feed the right nutrients for everything in your life. In this particular instance I'm not talking about food. I'm talking about love.
I'm trying to not beat myself up about not losing 30 pounds last year or for only going to the gym 146 times. Or for not completing any of my new year's resolutions. Or even the change in my blog.
Writing in my blog to keep track of my workouts has been something I've done for the past three years! I gotta say this is going to be a hard habit to break. But change is good. Especially the change over my life over the past two years. My blog definitely has served the purpose I wanted it to over the past three years...keeping me accountable with my workouts and my life in general. And well, I feel confident that I no longer need that accountability in my life anymore. Which I guess is my main motivation for no longer doing the write-a-blog-for-each-workout- thing anymore.
I am realizing my shift in priorities. And need to do the appropriate action because of the new priorities in my life. My friend Sarah was quick to point out that "you were busy starting a completely new life. Now just integrate fitness back into it now that you and Chris are solid." And she's right. Love is obviously important to me, and true love takes time. And I have spent the past 7 months feeding that love and making sure it was right for me. I had to water it, and nurture it, just as if I was taking care of anything else in life. And not to say that I won't be doing that for the rest of my life (especially now that I am getting married!), but the beginning is when the foundation is built, and that is what is going to keep us going strong for the rest of our lives. Exactly like creating the habit of working out or eating healthy, or creating any new relationship. You can't expect to workout once a month and have that turn into a habit or expect to lose any weight. Just like you can't spend one evening with someone once every month or so and expect to fall in love. You have to spend quality time creating all aspects, especially when it has to do love.
And because I have done that, I'm working hard on not giving myself a hard time for not working out as much or for not losing any weight, because what was creating is so much better than that. I have found a love that will last me the rest of my life, I have found my future husband! And for me that is so much better than fulfilling my new year's resolution. Because what I got was something that wasn't entirely up to me, but about someone new in my life.
And now I have a new challenge ahead. I need to work on finding a balance. Because I do want to put more focus on my weight loss, because I do want to be thinner for my wedding. I also need to focus on my growing relationship with Chris, along with planning a wedding. Three big things, that all need a lot of attention in the coming months.
It's a lot of pressure wanting to do it all...lose weight, spend time with Chris, plan a wedding, cook, and keep a clean house. Along with my other relationships and other miscellaneous items.
Although not a bad problem to have this will be my challenge for 2012.
I do have plans in place for all of the above, and once I get something going, I'll definitely share it.
All of these are things I have thought about, and I've probably thought about writing these blogs about my love and my wedding, way before they were even a possibility, and I feel it is truly a blessings that I can finally write about them and have them be true, and have this be my life!

dance jam 60min

a new year: 2012

2012-01-01T14:09:00.004-07:00

image

happy 2012 everyone!

a new year, a new blog...some changes and some updates!
the year that i have dreamed of my entire life is ....here! it is happening. i'm planning my wedding, and i'm getting married! so much still needs to be done, and the countdown is almost to 9 months...
one of the biggest changes that has to do with YOU...the blog...is no more blogging only when i workout. this wasn't an easy decision to come to, but life is changing, so things must change. i have lots going on and so much to blog about. and i have a blog post in mind entirely just for this subject.
the blog will now be a normal update blog...i'm not too sure how i'm going to incorporate my workouts into my blog, but i still want that to be a focus, i just don't know how.
normal life updates, wedding updates, weight loss updates.
i have plans in place for all of the above, and i can't wait to blog about it all!
i've had some questions/comments in regards to the blog name. the name will change, as i have thought about this. but the actual change won't happen until after we are married. just know that it is coming.

our christmas and new year's was great. we were in albuquerque with my family. and got quality time everywhere, including wedding favor shopping completed!, in addition to my first time ever trying on wedding gowns!!!
new year's was definitely more initimate, and some much needed time just chris and i. chris got us a cabin up in Estes Park, CO where we stayed for two nights and relaxed and just hung out.

i wish all of us a healthy, happy, and blessed new year! i have a feeling that 2012 is going to be fantastic!!!

Pictures of my Love

2011-12-30T11:41:00.004-07:00

For today's post we are going to go back even further in the past.
Before my cousin's arrived for our Breaking Dawn weekend, the oh so talented Sarah made a pit stop in Denver for a quick visit and photo shoot. Sarah knows me very well, along with doing photo shoots of me and my family throughout the past few years, I've always wondered what it would be like to have her photograph me and my love. Along with her photography skills she is also a very talented writer. She wrote a beautiful blog that showed our love along with pieces of our love story. These pictures bring tears to my eyes and joy to my heart.

These pictures were taken downtown Denver along Larimer Square. I had hoped for some daytime shots as well, but time wasn't on our side. Although you can't tell, about an hour after these pictures were taken, I got extremely ill. Like puking over the toilet ill. Not fun! I'm so thankful for Chris who cleaned up after me and took care of me, and for Sarah who was understanding while being a house guest with a ill hostess.
Although you would think these are our official engagement photos. They are not. These pictures were actually taken 1 week before the actual proposal.
In addition to Sarah's amazing talent, I'm super ecstatic that she'll also be shooting our love as we vow to each other to spend the rest of our lives together on our wedding day!!!

treadmill 40min/tricepts

Breaking Dawn part I

2011-12-29T17:13:00.005-07:00

Lets travel back 6 weeks shall we?
Six weeks ago my beautiful cousin's Kari and Cheryl were in town from Albuquerque for the sole purpose of joining me for the midnight premiere showing of Twilight: Breaking Dawn part I movie...along with some cousin bonding of course. In additions to the midnight show we did lots of other things around Denver and Boulder.
We went to the Brown Palace Hotel, and had the afternoon tea.
We drove to Golden, and went on the Coors Brewery tour.

We even went out to a local bar, and had some drinks and fun.

cheryl, me, and, kari

Lots of fun was had, as I love these girls so much! Round two is already scheduled for part II!

step 60min

Christmas Letter II

2011-12-24T11:21:00.003-07:00

for the second time i have written a Christmas letter. it's a little overwhelming when i think about my life last year, and my life this year.
I realize I have lots more to still catch up. And I promise I have a plan to do so.
Patience my readers, patience!
Chris and I are in Albuquerque. We drove down yesterday. This is the first year since I've lived in Denver that I drove, which was mainly to save on cost, and because I had someone with me in case of bad weather. The weather was clear the whole way, but we did experience icy and snow packed roads south of Pueblo and north of Trinidad. We were down to 30 to 40 MPH for a while. I'm so not a fan of driving on roads like that. But we made it, and I'm happy.

Here is my Christmas letter 2011.  Enjoy!
********************************************

2011

The year someone changed my life.

Dear Loved Ones,

I hope the year 2011 has brought you many blessings and happy memories. Like last year’s letter to you, I bring to you some more good fortune and love in my life for the year twentyeleven. Also like last year’s letter I bring to you some more change in my world.

This year will not be one for me to forget. I started out with a huge birthday celebration in downtown Denver with 30+ of my friends, enjoying the night and dancing! The following weekend the same group of friends went up to Breckenridge for the Annual Ice Carving Festival, to which my friend Michelle joined me for.

I successfully transitioned with my job from Qwest to CenturyLink. And although my job title is the same, I am newly challenged and have new job responsibilities.

Over Memorial Day weekend I competed in my first ever 10k race in Boulder, called the BolderBoulder. My personal goal was to finish in 85 minutes and was proud when I crossed the finish line under 79 minutes!

If you’ve followed me on my journey (as I document most of it on my blog: www.bluesoulam.blogspot.com) you know that I’ve spent the past couple of years changing. Physically, emotionally, and mentally. But for me, one piece was always missing. That special someone. I spent the spring months dating, putting myself out there. Searching for the One.

In May I met Chris. It’s hard for me to find the words of this new journey of love that Chris and I are on. Nothing seems to do it justice. Even though I’m so happy, and he makes me laugh so much, and we have so much fun together…none of those things seem good enough to describe this experience.

We had an amazing summer! He traveled with me to Guernsey, WY for a camping trip. He competed with me in a race called the Warrior Dash in Copper Mountain with my friends. We went to Rockies games, and had many date nights.

We have traveled to his hometown of Kearney, NE, Albuquerque, NM, Branson, MO, and Horse Shoe Bend, AR.

We have fallen in love! And last month he proposed, and the next chapter of my life has begun! I’m looking forward to what the New Year will bring (a wedding!!!). I continue to be active and healthy, and now love is in the mix! I am truly so so blessed, and so so happy.

I hope the New Year creates happiness and wellness for you and yours! I wish you all a very Blessed and Joyous Christmas and very Merry 2012!

Warm Wishes and Cheers,

April

elliptical 45min/back

wedding planning 101

2011-12-11T12:23:00.005-07:00

the ring (the picture doesn't really do it justice)

oh my! what a crazy three (almost) weeks it has been. being engaged is heartwarming! to feel the love and excitement, the joy and the blessings everysingleday! oh and putting on that ring every morning and getting to stare at it all day long, well that's kinda fun too! (it is gorgeous! if i do say so myself.)

i've had a time line for awhile now about when i would want to get engaged and when i would want to get married to Chris, and thankfully all the pieces are slowly falling into place exactly where i imagined they would fall (in their own unique way of course). ...i'm truly starting to really believe that what you put out there in the world with your positive vibes and hopeful thoughts really does come back and complete you to give you what you want!

i knew that if i was engaged before the end of the year i would want all the major stuff taken care of before heading home to NM for Christmas. and it is such a huge stress relief to report that all of the big stuff is taken care of!!!

date: check
ceremony: check
reception: check

those three elements are done and taken care of! (details will be forthcoming.)

now i need some of your input! here are some questions i've thought of, i'm sure there will be lots more as time moves closer to the big date! (countdown is a little less than 10 months away!)

what is your wedding planning advice? - it's so insane to think that you do all of this planning for one day, and none of that planning knowledge really get's put to use again. well this is your chance to give me some of the knowledge that you learned!

where do i get ready? - our ceremony is in the afternoon. the night before the wedding Chris will sleep at the house, and i'll sleep at the hotel (i plan to wait to see him until i'm walking down the aisle). do i get ready at the hotel?, at the church?, at the reception hall?. ...both the church and the reception hall have bridal suite's where i can get ready. i'm pretty sure the church will be open all day for our use, and the reception hall will be open at 1pm for our use.

what kind of guest book did you have? - i've seen a big picture of the couple and you sign the border around it, i've seen a big silver platter that you can engrave, the classic guest book, in a bridal magazine i saw a polaroid camera where the person signing takes a picture of themselves puts it in the guest book along with congratulations and advice...

what music should be played? - both for the ceremony and reception? any classic tunes i have to have, let me know!

how far in advance did you go wedding dress shopping? - a lot of the bridal magazines suggest going now, some say 6 - 8 months prior. i am of course like every other bride wanting to lose weight before the wedding...and for that reason don't want to shop now. any in put would be great!

any cost saving tips? - i'm slowly beginning to see how every little detail can add up to a lot of money! what did you do to save? what did you LOVE that spent more money on? what did you look back on and think "we really didn't have to spend money on that?"

i do have more specific questions, but i think that is good for now.
i'm so elated that Chris is on board! he's been a big part of the wedding planning and the input. definitely a hands-on groom! (he was quick to point out that there are no groom magazines.) on the drive home from Kearney after Thanksgiving we pretty much spent the whole 5 hour drive talking about the wedding and our vision for the day! it's gonna be one helluva a celebration!!!

i'm getting married!!!

triple cardio 60min

a dream

2011-11-22T19:32:00.004-07:00

do you ever have one of those moments where you feel like you are in a dream?...floating on a cloud...in between the feeling of fantasy and pure reality...wondering if you need to pinch yourself...
i had one of those moments last night.

i like to consider myself a pretty observant person. specifically in regards to accessories, jewelry. ya know...the bling. i often will notice a beautiful diamond ring on a woman's left hand ring finger, and think "wow someone really loves her. like really really loves her." i mean with a ring like that...that's love. not the shiny reflection, but the meaning behind the pureness, the round sphere that takes shape. the promise that that ring represents. the sign of forever. no beginning and no end. the happiness behind the moment that ring was put on her finger. the love and secrets between those two people. that only those two people will ever know. those two people will only ever know there love, and the feelings involved. like a fingerprint. except dual...for two people. one very special type of love for two people. a love that is going to never take shape again, because there will never be two people exactly the same. so unique and never to repeated, a love meant to be experienced by these two people in this time, in the life.
these are just some of the thoughts when i see a woman with a diamond on her finger.
i would often wonder if i would ever feel such love, feel such feeling. feel the feeling of a ring on my finger.
last night the answer was given to me.
last night i became engaged! Chris proposed, and i said yes.
and i have a symbol on my finger that shows his love for me.

andiamsofreakin'excited!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm just about crying all over again, that this is me. this is my life. that this is the love in my life.

it was perfect, and intimate, and private. a moment in life shared between just the two of us. just how our love is just meant for the two of us.

last night was a moment in my life that i'll never forget. not only was it something that only happens once, but it was also a moment i doubted would ever happen.
last night was also the end of a crazy week. the full details will come out later, but part of the beginning of last week i was part of a SarahLove photo shoot with Chris. it was pure bliss, and quick. oh so quick! Sarah surprised me with the above picture...as a "sneak peak...ish"(her words). i would definitely call it a sneak peak, as it is a blurred picture...but i'm pretty sure that if you look close enough you can see some sparks and some true love glimmer through.

treadmill 30min
elliptical 30min

pieces falling

2011-11-13T13:55:00.004-07:00

date night: going to see The Lion King

the week has been a long one! one big factor about this time of year is all of the time off. i get two days off for thanksgiving, two days off for christmas, and one day off for new year's. three big holidays super close together. and well you get spoiled, because on top of the holidays you have your vacation time to use, because if i don't use my time by 12/31 i lose it. so i have scattered days off between now and the end of the year and one of the pleasures in this is not working a full five day work week. last week i had to work a full five day work week, and it was just long.
with working the "long" week, visiting one of Chris' friends in the hospital, finding out that we're staying in denver (for now), having a midweek date night to the Lion King, planning next week with back to back visitors, and now ending the week (or starting the week, depending on how you want to look at it) with a back injury...it's just been sorta crazy.
the big piece that feel into place this week was finding out that we are staying in denver (for now). it's a lot to get into for the unknown, so i don't really see a reason to get into it. so i'll just say there was a possibility that we were gonna move to CA. but as of right now no big move is happening. it was exciting, nerve-racking, and stressful all at the same time. but now we know it isn't going to happen. so holiday plans can be made, and we can just stay calm and carry on!
it's hard trying to decide what to put out there in the blog world. more and more i'm struggling with this. i don't take what i write lightly and now majority of what i do write has to do with another person. so that makes is hard, because this isn't his blog, it's my blog, but he is in my life, and my blog is about my life. i digress.
moving on. this morning in strike! we were doing an interval. and i hurt my back. i'm thinking i pulled a muscle, and chris says i do have a rather large knot in my lower back. it sucks. right after it happened i paced back and forth a little bit, then realized i just needed to leave, but i wasn't even about to bend down to get my water bottle, and was thankful for denise who got it for me. hopefully i'll heal quickly because being in pain like this sucks because i feel like i just can't get comfortable. so i really only got a half a workout in because the happened about half way through strike, but i'm still going to count it.
and now i just feel like a bum, which isn't good especially since i have a house guest coming tomorrow, then another set of guests coming on wednesday. and i really need to clean, de-clutter, do laundry, make beds etc... i guess i'm thankful that the guests that are coming don't really care how clean (or dirty) my place is, but still i want it to be clean.
and since this post is a little random, and because the bronco game just ended: Go BRONCOS!!!

strike!30min

Puzzle Pieces

2011-11-08T19:39:00.003-07:00

I’ve known all day that I was going to work-out tonight. I’ve spent all day thinking about what to write about. But I honestly I feel like I really don’t have anything to say. On Facebook and in the blogging world I see a lot of people giving thanks and stating the things they are appreciative of with the month of thanksgiving here. But right now I feel thankful for so many things, I just don’t know what to even begin.

Right now a lot of things are in the works. I feel like my life is a puzzle right now. And all of the pieces are currently separated trying to come together to make a perfect picture. But like puzzles, the pieces can’t be forced together, and you have to try and see what works. You have to be patient and what for that magic “click” to happen, of where two pieces come together. It takes time and strategy to put the whole thing together. In this particular instant it isn’t necessarily up to me, to get the pieces put together. It’s life. It’s exciting, and nerve-racking. I’m trying to have faith that all the pieces will be formed how they are meant to, and working and not questioning the order in which the pieces come together, or worrying about what pieces may fall off all together. Having faith knowing that not all pieces are going to be able to fit, and being content with the ones that do fall off.

That is my current challenge. Being patient and not worrying. Being truly thankful for what I do have. Although easier said than done, when your brain is thinking about all possibilities, all the things that could go good and all of the things that could go bad. It’s hard to just shut down.

I’m definitely living an emotional high right now. And that makes it even harder to not get carried away, and to not want everything right now.

So, right now my focus is to just breath, and to try and take comfort that all the pieces will come together when and how they should.

treadmill 15min/barbell strength 60min

a slow down

2011-11-06T15:28:00.003-07:00

flowers from Chris

Right now I feel that things have slowed down a little bit. I'm home alone on a Sunday afternoon enjoying myself while Chris is out at a friend's house watching the Bronco game.
I'm so thankful for so many reasons.
Beware as this post may be a pit random.
Chris was gone all last week. He was back in California. This time in Bakersfield. Something big could be happening with that.
I know I say it (write it) all the time, but life happening is just so crazy. Life. Happening.
Life.Happens.
I heard a beautiful thing from my friend today she said "I have a three month old son at home." It is a beautiful phrase to hear especially since I know that friend had moments where she thought she wouldn't be a mom. Just like that, life happens.
Chris and I saw the movie "The Adjustment Bureau" last night. Good movie, but a little bit weird. Makes you think that everything happen exactly has it should.
For me, I definitely feel that everything is happening exactly has it should.

strike! 60min

The Places I've Been: MO

2011-11-03T20:52:00.004-06:00

Sandwiched in between our trip to Arkansas was a visit and stay in Branson, MO. We flew into the tiniest airport I have ever been to, in Branson. The airport has 4 gates total, one security check and one baggage claim, and you get off/get on the plane by walking up a ramp outside. This was the first sign that we were in small country, USA.
Here's my trip to Branson, MO.

When we arrived in Branson we immediately drove south into Arkansas, so not a lot of MO country was seen. Driving back to MO we actually drove a different way by heading north from AR, then West all in MO. We drove through the Mark Twain National Forrest. It was very pretty. The changing colors were so pretty. Unfortunately the few pictures I have don't do them justice. Chris took a bunch of pictures on his Ipad, but I don't have that right now.

Once we arrived in Branson we checked into a bed and breakfast. I had never stayed at a bed and breakfast before and this was was super nice. We stayed near the Branson Landing, which is right on the water. We walked along, did some shopping, and just enjoying each other's company.

the bed and breakfast - the Branson House Inn

Overall the trip was a lot of fun. The wedding was beautiful and we got to spend lots of one on one time together which is always nice.
It's amazing how my travel series has grown. This year alone I've been to 5 new states: WY, NE, KS, AR, and MO. Four of those I hadn't been to had I not met Chris. And definitely wouldn't had sought out going to those location. I'm thankful to Chris for so many things. One of those things is for showing me states I had never been.

strike! 60min

The Places I've Been: AR

2011-11-01T19:57:00.002-06:00

A couple of weekend's ago Chris and I traveled to Northern Arkansas to attend his friend Justin's wedding. It was all country and very beautiful. Small towns, winding roads, hills full of leafs changing colors.
Here's my trip to Horseshoe Bend, Batesville, and Mountain Home, AR.

We arrived in Branson, MO and drove immediately south into Arkansas, then about two and half hours to Horseshoe Bend where Justin's parents live. We hung out there for the night, meeting various friends and family of the bride and groom.
Saturday was the big day. We traveled about 45 minutes south to Batesville where the groom's grandmother lives on a beautiful vineyard; Harmony Hills.

the bride and groom
Judy and Justin

the reception area

After the wedding we drove to Mountain Home which is considered the "big" town in the area. the drive in the dark was a little bit scary, as it was dark, and the highways are all two lane, and very winding. Thankfully Chris drove that portion of the trip.
Overall the area was beautiful. I think the largest town we entered had a population of 1200. Talk about small country. This was definitely it.
Although not the most exciting place to be, experiencing new places with Chris is always exciting.

barbell strength 60min

the last four weeks

2011-10-30T19:37:00.003-06:00

things have been super busy. it seems to be a trend. i'm ready for things to slow down, although that seems doubtful seeing as the holidays are literally right around the corner.

april's pedicure party!
sara, april, me, brandi, denise, kristina, nicole, and stacy

trip to my first ever pumpkin patch with a corn maze!

colbie caillat concert

we finally put our outdoor chimenia to use

we did lots of driving between branson, mo and horseshoe bend, ar

in branson, mo

in batesville, ar

i think that covers the weekends since we got back from albuquerque. details are of course, fourth coming!

strike!60min

ABQ trip

2011-10-16T15:56:00.004-06:00

Two weekends ago Chris and I were in Albuquerque. It was a short trip, but we definitely did a lot with our time. We got in on a Friday afternoon and we to dinner at Papa Felipe's with my parents. YUM! From there we went home and cleaned up the back patio for a family dinner planned for the next night. Chris spent some one on one time with my dad watching TV while I colored my mom's hair.
Saturday morning I got Chris out of bed to head to the Balloon Fiesta. I was really looking forward to this as this was my first experience taking someone to this event who had never been. On top of that the weather was perfect, and that morning a world record was broken with 345 balloons up in the air in 60 minutes! Chris enjoyed it, and loved taking pictures.

After the early morning fun, we met my cousin Kari and her husband Larry from some breakfast. Followed by some errands around town we got home in time to relax a little, help my mom get ready for dinner, then off to church.
Saturday night my mom planned a family dinner for everyone to meet Chris and have a little continued birthday celebration for Chris and start an early birthday celebration for my mom.

Cousins: Kari, me, and Cheryl

my mom and I (she had a couple of glasses of wine!)

sisters: Kathleen, Deanna
Patty, Michelle, and my mom Barbara

Chris and my mom and yummy birthday cakes!!

Sunday we went to brunch with my friend's Michelle and Jill. It was a lot of fun.
We did a lot in a short amount of time, and everyone loved Chris! I was impressed as Chris definitely got in some good quality time everywhere and with everyone. He spent time with both of my parents individually. On Saturday he ate out on the patio with us girls, then spent sometime inside with the guys watching sports. Just like one of the family!
I sadly missed the Race for the Cure 5k in Denver. Honestly it was difficult decision to go on this trip and not do this race. The Race for the Cure is my race. It was my thing, and I believe it was that race that got me started on my healthiness journey 3 years ago. I had planned that the race would be an annual tradition. Hopefully next year. Going to Albuquerque with Chris was a great experience. And I think spending Christmas there will be great!

strike! 60min

just me

2011-10-10T21:13:00.003-06:00

Chris is out of town. He left Friday late afternoon and doesn’t return until dinner time on Wednesday. This is a little bit of an adjustment for me. More of an adjustment than when he unofficially moved in back in July. I miss his presence and knowing I’m going to see him at the end of my work day. But at the same time I’ve enjoyed doing stuff back on my time. Just doing it…whenever. Going back to my independent self. Not that I’m not independent with Chris in my life or this relationship. I just find myself doing things that I’ve always wanted someone there to help me out with, still doing them by myself. Either because I’m not used to have someone to rely upon or because I’m not yet comfortable with the fact that I have someone there for me or I don’t want to come across as an inconvenience. I figure if this was happening in my life right now and I didn’t have a boyfriend I would have to take care of it myself. So why not just do it how I would have normally done it? Does that even make any sense? Probably not, but I do like to think I know what I'm talking about. Let me give you an example.
About a month or so ago my check engine light came on in my car. I put it off for a while because it kept going off. Then I realized I was leaking oil. I told Chris I wanted to get it checked out, but we’ve been busy etc…and we just never got around to it. On Friday after I dropped Chris off at the airport I went to a new Firestone right by house. They were near closing and said it was ok to have them keep my car over night. I walked home. Saturday it rained all day. Firestone called me and said I could come pick up my car. I walked to go pick up the car in the rain. No fun. I wore a windbreaker and had an umbrella, but it was windy, cold, and raining. Once I arrived I wasn’t soaked, but definitely wet. No fun. I took my car to the local Grease Monkey to get the leaky oil problem fixed and made an appointment on Wednesday morning to take my car to Toyota. Dealing with the initial problem was fine, easy even. Walking in the rain, dealing with driving to Toyota early Wednesday morning, not so easy.
After the fact I was doing some errands on Saturday afternoon chatting with Chris and I'm thinking to myself "Isn't this one of the perks of having a boyfriend?/having someone be there for you?/to rely upon?" But why try and do it the easy way, when I've always had to do things the "hard" way because in the past I didn't have a boyfriend to pick me up from the car place or take me to the car place etc...
I guess all of this is an adjustment. And something have gone easier than others. Like I mentioned living together. Chris unofficially moved in, in July. Officially he moved in, in September. I've had people ask me "how is that going?" Considering that I've lived by myself for the past 6+ years, you would think it would have been a huge adjustment. And prior when I was single and would think about the process and what it would be like to live with a significant other, the idea was always so overwhelming in my head. But in this instant that I'm living, there really hasn't been adjustment. I love that it's been so easy, that we get to see each other everyday.

I've noticed that the biggest adjustment for me, is just knowing that I have someone there. That the next time I need to get my car looked at, I'll make sure Chris is in town to help me out.

treadmill 20min/core 30min

where to begin?

2011-10-09T15:06:00.002-06:00

just a pretty picture from the balloon fiesta last weekend.

that is the question. i have no idea. so much as happened, and i just don't know where to start. it's overwhelming. usually when i know i'm going to sit down and blog i'll think of my post in advance and have an idea of what i'm going to cover. well i haven't blogged in so long that even now i'm at a loss. i've known for a while now that this weekend was coming, that Chris would be out of town that i would have a chance to work out, hence giving me the opportunity to blog.
my summer of love has come to an end...the season not the love. and now fall is here and another busy season has begun.
the whole month of september flew by. Chris had a whole month long celebration of his birthday, and as his girlfriend i took it upon myself to spoil him. birthdays are a big deal to me, and Chris is a big deal to me, put that together and you get a over the top celebration.
along with his birthday month we had some of Chris' friend's come hang out with us from Kearney. and the month ended with a trip to New Mexico. this trip also brought us into October.
the summer has been a crazy one. i think about the short time Chris and i have been together, but how it feels like it has been so much longer. and that's because we've done so much. we've had so many different experiences in the short time we've been together and i feel that all of them have brought us closer.
with the end of the summer i've spent a lot of time reflecting, and all of the life changes i've had over the past three years. it's just insane to think about. from being so lonely, alone, depressed, overweight. wanting to change but afraid to change. starting on this journey, going to the gym, losing weight, making friends, creating a life, and now finding love. it's a lot! what's weird is that it seems to have all happened naturally. that maybe what you put out into the world does come back to you.
i do now definitely believe that good things come to those who wait.

strike! 60min

now is the time to play catch up

2011-10-08T22:05:00.002-06:00

not just catch up, but work out!

stay tuned my friends, more blogs are on their way!

triple cardio 60min

The Places I've Been: KS

2011-09-30T09:49:00.004-06:00

Chris and I returned from our Nebraska trip on Sun. 8/28. The Wednesday morning that we returned Chris got a phone call from his mom with news of his great-grandmother's passing. She was a 103. With that the weekend plans were canceled and were back on our way to Nebraska.
Thursday afternoon we picked up Chris' uncle John at the airport to join us on our drive to Kearney. That Friday we drove with his dad and sister 3 hours south to Ellsworth, KS. His mom drove down with two of her brother's.
This is my trip to Ellsworth, KS.

driving into NE...again

The drive down to Kansas is all country, and a lot of the area is where Marty grew up. So we took a couple of behind the scene's drive of farming and lots of corn and lots of dirt roads.
Once we arrived in Ellsworth we went to Chris' grandmother's farm house. Included are a donkey and some chickens.

The trip was a good one, given the circumstances. I got to meet majority of Chris' mom's extended family.... I got in some good bonding moment's with Alice and got to see small town USA. I've never seen this part of the country, and to see these town's that don't have more than 1,000 people...it's just so interesting. Small town, literally.
Most of you mentioned that being on a road trip with someone makes for a situation of getting to know someone real fast. And to be honest Chris and I have gotten to know each other super fast. If you think back when we went camping back in June at that time we had only been dating 3 weeks, and were on a 3 hour car ride to Wyoming. We've had many a good conversation on our long car trips.
I feel so fortunate that the trip to KS happened. Although no planned, I got to spend more time with his parents, and create more of a comfort with his whole family.

jog/walk 35min

The Places I've Been: NE

2011-09-19T21:06:00.006-06:00

when i came back from albuquerque in july chris and i sat down and talked about our trips for the rest of the year(mainly when we would go "home"). we decided we would go to his home town for thanksgiving and my home town for christmas. we both had hopes to meet the respective families sooner, but time just wasn't on our side.
well come the beginning of august i get a call at work from chris "i spoke to my dad this morning, and he really wants us to go to nebraska sooner than thanksgiving." now i knew that marty (chris' dad) was anxious for me to meet the rest of the immediate family: chris' mom and sister, but we had plans and agreed that it would happen in november for thanksgiving. but realizing that importance to marty chris and i decided we would drive to kearney, nebraska on thursday 8/25 which was the weekend we were set to go camping. (and now we are set to go to NM on 9/30)
chris and i started the 5 - 5 and 1/2 hour drive thursday afternoon and got into town around 8:30pm. his dad was sleeping (he works early early morning) so we were greeted by his mom (mary) and his sister (alice).
we relaxed and enjoyed the humid air out on their patio.
Kearney, Nebraska

on the drive: eastbound I-80

the trip was a good one. very relaxing with his parents taking turns showing me pictures of chris' childhood and driving around kearney.

his parents are hilarious. so funny and quick with a comeback. we get along great, and i am really looking forward to introducing them to my mom, as she'll fit right in!

on friday night we went with his sister miniature golfing.

alice, chris, and iduring the day friday we took his mom lunch. his mom is a deaf interpreter at the local middle school. i had me some runza for the first time. unfortunately this food didn't sit too well with me and gave me an upset stomach in the middle of the afternoon while we were walking around menards. if you like ground beef, cheese, and onion this would be your thing.

having a runza for the first timesaturday night we put on our sunday best for a fancy dinner.

me, marty, chris, and mary
saturday during the day we went this archway that goes over I-80. it was very interesting. it's a museum that talks about the history of the interstate, as it was the first one to go coast to coast east to west.

the trip was great and the drive was boring...little did we know that we would be making that same exact drive again in another 4 days...

it was great to meet chris' family. it makes this whole relationship that much bigger...that isn't really the right word, but hopefully you know what i mean. i now know so much more about chris. where he came from and how it created who he is today. his family is awesome and we got along great.

treadmill 15min/core 30min

new (not so good) record

2011-09-18T20:10:00.003-06:00

had you asked me earlier today when the last time was i worked out i would have told you about 2 and half weeks ago. well, while getting ready to write this blog, i looked. the last time i worked out was august 25th...THREE and a half weeks go. holy cow. not good, not good at all.
have i had the chance to work out?, yes. i'm not going to beat myself up about it. i'm living life, doing a lot.
but what i learned today when i did go to the gym is that i miss it. i miss my friends. walking into the gym i immediately saw annabelle and her family, then greeted by liz who works at the front desk, she immediately commented on my lack of attendance at the gym, since it has been so long since she had seen me. while waiting for one of the studio's to open for master step i then saw diane, justine, tina, and stacie.
lately when there was a chance to go to the gym i think i was more focused on the actual workout, then the social aspect and seeing my friends. going today was a great reminder of the life i almost forgot that i created and all of my gym friends.
chris and i are officially now living together. and i have so much to update. that was our project last weekend, was going to his apartment meeting movers, and cleaning. right now it is all about trying to get organized. this coming weekend we have some of chris' friends visiting from NE. so i spent today cleaning and getting ready for our visitor's.
right now i'm trying to wrap around my head the fact that i'm no longer making it to the gym 5 days a week. a huge part of me feels really disappointed that i've let this part of my life take second stage to what used to be such a huge priority.
but then i look back and think about all of the hard work i've done, and what i was hoping to truly get out of this experience once everything is said and done.
and that's love.
and that's exactly what i have.
so i can't beat myself up too bad. although i think i do have to spend more time in the gym that what i have been. going almost one month without a workout just isn't acceptable. i've also learned how going to the gym effects my mood. i'm all over place and up and down. it isn't pretty, and i feel bad because it is chris who gets those repercussions. i'm so lucky that he's patient with me and understanding.
i realize i still have so much more to update, but i just wanted to get this off of my chest so that i can do some regular updates.
more to come!

master step 60min

i've turned into a non-blogger

2011-09-07T15:03:00.003-06:00

well not really(turned into a non-blogger), or at least i hope not. right now i just like to think i'm super busy, establishing a new life, a new love, a new beginning. and somewhere along the lines my blog along with working out got put on the back burner. but i've been requested that i write something, so here ya go. i did actually workout at one point in time a couple of weeks ago and never had the chance to blog, so this blog will go with that workout even though at this point in time i don't remember the workout or when it was, i just know i'm a post behind, and that is what matters, right?!
i'm home for the next three weekends and during that time i plan to organize and get settled. stop.breathe.workout.blog.
but truthfully i'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that working out and blogging are no longer at the top of my priority list. now i realize things change, but i've had moments when i've felt that those two things (working out and blogging) were pretty much what my life would be about. i remember almost two years ago when my friend emily announced her 3rd pregnancy and i thought to myself (oh here we go, she's going to be too busy to blog.) shortly (i think) after she went from 2 kids to 3 kids she officially announced on her blog that she would no longer be posting as much. even though i had a feeling such a post was coming when i read the words in black and white i was a little bit heartbroken. almost betrayed, because i was thinking "um hello....doesn't she know that she has faithful followers who look forward to her everyday funny posts?! ...what in the world am i going to read now?!"
now look at me. that's me. well but not that extreme. i'm definitely not has funny as emily, and i definitely don't have quite the following as emily, but still. and i haven't gone from 2 kids to 3 (nobody freak out!). but, we all love to feel that we are loved, and i'm thankful for my friend sarah who wrote me on facebook today to let me know that my lack of posting was killing her (albeit not really.), her words, not mine.
in the mean time here's a teaser of what's to come and a little hint of what has been going on in my life.

driving to kearney, NE twice in a two week period

driving from kearney to ellsworth, KS

seeing the small town way of life

wanting everything right away

hopefully updates will come quicker than what they have been, because i do miss my time at the gym, but right now i'm embracing my changing life and spending time with my boyfriend (awww...).

warrior dash pics

2011-08-24T20:56:00.006-06:00

these pictures are all over the place. so just sorta follow along and read the descriptions. i realized that in my previous post i forgot to say where the race was. we were in copper mountain, and from what i did see it was very pretty. much like a miniature vail. the village area was lots of fun, and that was the start/finish of the race, along with some live music and hanging out.

the view from our condo

post race: hanging out
me, christina, and annabelle

my friend brandi has 3 kiddos, the middle on avery has taken an attachment to chris, and at one point in time came up to him and said "hold me" in which she just fell asleep on his lap.

chris and avery

chris and sleeping avery

chris and avery playing

leaving lunch, post race, avery getting a ride from chris

our tank tops:
the buff and the beautiful

pre race: the group on the shuttle to the start

friday before the race:
kortny, chris, april, charlie, and justine

post race:
me, brandi, denise, april, annabelle, christina, kortny, justine

post race:
robbie, daniel, charlie, bobby, jerry, john, chris

during the race:
chris and i

pre race:
me, annabelle, april, justine, kortny, brandi

pre race: the group

post race: the group all muddy

post race: chris and i

i am proud of completing this race, and once i finished the race a friend reminded me of this quote "no matter how slow you go, you are still lapping everybody on the couch." true true.

not my idea of fun

2011-08-21T21:46:00.005-06:00

the proof

this past weekend i sorta completed a race called the warrior dash. i registered for this race back on march 8th. 5+ months ago...thinking in my head this would be a great race to do 20 pounds lighter...especially since i figured losing 20 pounds in five months would be no problem. and well that subject is whole different post, so instead i'll focus on the race.

i did this race with about 15 of my friends, including Chris.

Chris and i drove up to the mountains friday afternoon. have i mentioned how much fun we have together? our conversation on the way was a great mix of serious conversation and god awful laughing! always a good time with this guy!

we had an early night friday night as all of us ran in the first wave of the race at 9am. we had group tank tops that read "the buff and the beautiful" and with a shot of fire the race began.

i was nervous going into this race because i knew some of the obstacles i wouldn't be able to do. and i didn't know if i would be "forced" to do them, or if i could just run around them.

the first portion of the race was just a run, which lead to the first obstacle of running through hanging tires. no big deal.

second obstacle was going up a wall with a rope at about a 45 degree angle. again not that big of a deal, although chris did have to push my a$$ up over the last edge of the wall. (thanks baby!)

third obstacle was a high/low. jump over a wall, squat under barb-wire. i had no desire to do the "up" part, but did do the down part.

the terrain between obstacle's three and four was a bunch of unevenness. i didn't like it, and at this point in time my right ankle was bothering me because of the strange gravel and the feeling of walking sideways.

the fourth obstacle was the mud pit, again with barbwire, forcing you to actually get in the mud. i was thankful that my friends advised of wrapping duck tape around my shoe so my shoes stayed on. needless to say i did do this obstacle, but i didn't "swim" in the mud, rather i squatted under the barbwire which got caught on my bib/tank a couple of times.

the fifth obstacle was a web of rope you had to crawl through. accomplished.

the sixth was i can only imagine of a dark hot tunnel. this one i didn't do.

following the sixth obstacle was what i assume was the seventh obstacle they titled "the summit" which is just a god awful uphill climb. it's this huge U-turn of a hill that you do that just seems it might just last for forever. at this point in time my knee's starting hurting. no bueno.

upon the decline are the rest of the obstacles that i didn't even attempt. they included but are not limited to:

a rope wall, crawling over a rope blanket, a balance beam, and climbing up a wall. all of those i didn't do, and just happily ran around.

the twelfth obstacle was two jumps over fire! oh yes, i am that hott!!! ;) ok, not really. accomplished.

during the race i kept thinking how nice it would be if i could look up and enjoy the beautiful scenery that surely surrounded me. but i was too scared of tripping and falling. ...i mean really, what is the point of having these races at a beautiful locations when you can't even appreciate where you are?! the other thing i was asking myself was: am i having fun? i knew that once i completed the race that's what my friends would ask me. did i have fun? the answer to that question is, no. this race is not my idea of fun. this race is something that i did because my friends invited me to do it, and i like to do stuff with my friends.

am i glad that i did it, yes? but then i didn't really do it, because i cheated. i didn't do all of obstacles. but if someone asks if i've done the warrior dash i will say yes. and i suppose i am happy i can say that i did it, but i doubt something like this will happen again in my future.

i'm super happy Chris was there to do it with me. like me, he basically did the race to spend time with me, not because it is his idea of fun.

stayed tuned for more pictures!

moving

2011-08-16T20:58:00.002-06:00

i talk a lot about change in my blog. about the change i've created in my life over the past 2 years. i've noticed that big life changes seem to take the course in two year increments. people meeting, getting married, having kids. two years. i've changed my life over the past two years while keeping the faith that someone would change my life.
well it seems as though those two years have begun.
i've received lots of comments and questions in regards to why i'm moving, where i'm moving to...the curiosity behind the selling of some of my home items. well now the answer to your questions and comments.
i am not going anywhere.
chris is moving in.
it's right. it's great. it's a process that has been underway since i returned from albuquerque last month and will become official next month.
i've had my moments of freak out just because i've never done anything like this before, but i'm happy and everyday that passes i'm learning more and just getting more happy.
things are progressing exactly how they should.
at the end of the month we are driving to nebraska, where chris is from, so that i can meet his mom and younger sister. then the first weekend of october we'll venture to new mexico for him to meet my parents.
i truly can't believe that this is my life!

barbell strength 60min

the calm before the storm

2011-08-15T20:53:00.005-06:00

this weekend was a relaxing one for what is to come.
friday night chris and i had a very enjoyable "date night" with dinner and a movie with a twist. we checked out a new mexican restaurant jack 'n grill for dinner then headed to westminster city park to celebrate Chloe's 3rd birthday followed by a showing of "toy story 3". super super cute movie. i honestly expected to cry because i know a lot of people who cried during this movie, and i can definitely see some moments where tears were forming, but no tears were shed.

super cute little brother, ian

yummy monster cupcakes

saturday night was a early surprise birthday party for charlie! justine planned this surprise a month in advance just to throw charlie off, and it worked!

this little party was VIP all the way. justine reserved the whole patio area at Brio to help celebrate charlie!

chris and i

before the surprise

me, annabelle, and denise

charlie = the birthday boy, christina and i

chris and i

after dinner we headed to the glenn to continue the party.

christina, annabelle, brandi, april, me
denise

pretty low key for what's to come! it was great to hang out with all the "VIP" kids since it seems like i had been awhile since we had all hung out outside of the gym.

core 30min

lots going on

2011-08-14T21:05:00.002-06:00

have i mentioned how busy things are? when i returned from albuquerque last month chris and i took out the calendar to go over the rest of the year and the plans ahead. we are pretty much booked every weekend now through the end of the year.
here's a snapshot:

weekend 8/19 ~warrior dash
weekend 8/26 ~ suppose to go camping, now going someplace else (details to come)
weekend 9/2 ~ Chris in TX
weekend 9/9 ~ move (details to come)
weekend 9/16 ~ celebrate Chris' bday or go to ABQ
weekend 9/23 ~ Chris' friends from NE visiting
weekend 9/30 ~ possibly go to ABQ
weekend 10/7 ~ celebrate mom's bday
weekend 10/14 ~ open!
weekend 10/21 ~ go to AR for Chris' friend's wedding
Thanksgiving weekend in NE
Christmas week in NM

So things are crazy busy. i'm enjoying it and love the ride and where it is going.

8/13
run/walk 45min

a little bit fairy tale

2011-08-09T20:55:00.006-06:00

You know how you sometimes read those stories that make you say out loud “wow, that person is so lucky.” Or, “I would love for something like that to happen to me.”??? Well right now that is my life. I can’t even try to explain the type of happiness going on around me right now, but I can’t help but share some of the things that have happened recently.

I’ve shared with some family and friends individual stories about my life, one of whom is my friend Sarah. I’ve mentioned her before just because of her love of love. I would often talk to her about my discomfort in my single status but always try to be strong in realizing that being single is ok. That throughout my journey and overcoming being depressed I was happy. Well during one of our conversations (via text) we were chatting about the reality show “The Bachelor”. Like most people (or maybe not for that matter) I keep important texts on my phone. Mainly ones that I know will bring me up when I am feeling down, or ones that have special meaning to me. Well back on October 19, 2010 I asked Sarah: “Why do we watch these shows?!”…or something like that. I actually don’t have what I wrote saved in my text messages, but what I do have saved in my phone is her response: “Because we want to be Cinderella.” I have her response saved, because it is true. For me wanting to be Cinderella is more of a feeling, it isn’t the beauty and glamour. It’s the love and the support, in addition to a little bit of sparkle! What they say about everything being more colorful and vibrant when you are in love is so true. Right now my whole world is bright!

Here’s a little story:

The Sunday I returned to Denver from Albuquerque I was on a morning flight. I knew I would be anxious to get back home and see Chris, so I took the first nonstop flight that morning. The Thursday prior I had dinner with Chris and his Dad. While Chris’s dad was in town Chris did some car shopping. That Thursday he test drove some cars and while at dinner I asked how the day went. Chris advised: “I test drove some family sedans.” I sarcastically commented: “Well, that’s good considering you have a family!!!” His response: “No, I just have a slow girlfriend!” Ha ha, very funny. At the end of dinner while saying good-bye, Marty (Chris’ dad) invited me to come see him and his family in Nebraska anytime.

Once I arrived in Albuquerque Friday morning Chris and I had talked, and he was at the car dealership getting ready to buy the car. I could tell he was excited. When we talked later that day he let me know that they couldn’t get the numbers to work, and that he didn’t purchase the car. I was a little bit surprised by this, and my gut told me he was lying, but I decided to let it go and not give him a hard time about it.

We had spoken a couple of times on Saturday before my parents and I went to church and then dinner. While driving home from dinner I saw that I had a missed call and a voicemail from Chris. The message was a simple one stating he missed me, and was excited for me to come back home. I thought the message was a little weird considering we had already spoken that day, but it was sweet and appreciated nonetheless. Later that evening I drove to see my cousin Kari and while on the drive I called Chris and asked him what he did during the day. He let me know he went to Cherry Creek Mall just to walk around. I asked if he went for any specific reason, and he said no. Again, nothing too unusual about this, as Cherry Creek is a very nice mall and Chris does like to walk around it. Once I arrived at Kari’s I made a sarcastic comment of: “I bet he went to look at diamonds!” Please know, that I was completely kidding, but for some reason in my gut I knew it was true.

Moving along to Sunday morning at the airport, and Chris picking me up at passenger pick up. He pulls up in his new car! He’s super excited, and I ask him why he lied. He makes a witty response of having to be sneaky, and that seeing the look on my face was worth it. We get into the new car that has dual temperature setting (one of the selling features since I’m always so cold), and he is showing me the GPS system etc… Once on the main road exiting the airport he reaches behind the passenger seat where I am sitting to grab something. I thought that maybe it would be flowers or a card, instead he puts a Zale’s gift bag on my lap.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This immediately gets my heart racing because something like this has never happened to me before. Very rarely have I ever gotten a gift just because, let alone a gift that is obviously fine jewelry!!! I smile at him at ask “What is this?!” He says “It’s not what you think. Just open it.” I open it up and it is a beautiful diamond pendant necklace. So so beautiful, that I start crying. I ask him what it is for. And his simple response is “because I love you.” I repeat my question, and he replies “I can’t think of a better reason, can you?”

How amazing is it, that I have this amazing man who truly spoils me every way possible and then goes and does something like this!?!?

I feel so fortunate. Things with Chris and I are just right. And if you are trying to put together a time line in your heard, let me just acknowledge that yes things seem to be moving fast. But Chris and I are very comfortable with that, and know that this is our relationship and our time line of how things go are only between the two of us. Neither one of us does something that we don’t want to do. And that is what’s important.

The past couple of years have been full of first's for me, and my experience with Chris is now included. Never have I been in a relationship that just seems so easy, and one where I have so much fun. Never have I been given a diamond anything, let alone a diamond from my boyfriend. Never have I felt so comfortable and at ease to include this person into my everyday life.

Right now I truly do feel as though I’m living my very own fairy tale with my very own prince charming.

barbell strength 60min

for sale

2011-08-07T21:09:00.004-06:00

if you are in the denver area and are in need of any of the following please contact me.
pictures will be posted on facebook later this week, or you can email me and i'll send them to you.

california king mattress/box springs

queen mattress/box springs/frame

36in RCA tv or a 36in Sharp tv

entertainment system that holds a 36in tv

bedroom set - headboard, dresser with mirror, dresser (2), nightstand.

PS 2 game system

kitchen stuff

queen size sheets/pillows

coffee pot/maker

end tables

desk

kitchen table with chairs

tall lamp

i'm sure i'll update this list as i think of items. but that's all i can think of for right now.

master step 60min

~all kinds of crazy~

2011-08-04T21:16:00.004-06:00

i must admit, i have a
girl crush on
minka kelly.
she's beautiful.
even her name, gorgeous.
oh and i just learned
she grew up in albuquerque.
who knew?

********

i had a dream this week that i was
camping with the
kardashian sister's.
and kim proposed to me
and her sisters were giving me a hard time because she proposed without a ring,
and i accepted.

*******

just heard that a second
H&M store
is coming to denver.
to cherry creek!

********

i forgot a fork for work
both
yesterday
and today.

*******

i love surprises.
both
giving
and
getting.

********

thank you emily
for your mom's
chicken spaghetti.
that was dinner
last night.
yumm-o!

*******

when i put on mascara i always start with my
top lashes.
right eye first,
then left.
then bottom lashes.
right eye,
then left.

********

i really love my library.
but i wish it was closer.

********

the current bus schedule is stupid.
there is a bus at 7:26am then again
three minutes later
at 7:29am.
the next one...
not until 7:43.
lame.

********

i'm so not ready
for the craziness
that will be the
rest of august.

********

treadmill 45min
back

in response

2011-08-01T20:45:00.004-06:00

i often wonder who reads this blog. and what actually makes a person respond to a particular post. well i recently got this anonymous comment on my "on being alone" post:

"Funny how perspectives change based on relationship statuses. When women are in a relationship, they look back at their single days and are proud of their "self discovery" days. When they are single, they look back at their relationship days and want those back and are depressed. Please remember both ends! It helps us grow."

this comment made me think, so much that i want to respond. yes in my early single days i was depressed. but i wasn't depressed because i wasn't in a relationship, i was depressed because i was unhappy with myself. i think their is obviously a big difference. at the time i knew i required a lot of "work" before i would ever be available to enter into a loving, healthy relationship again. i also knew this work would take a lot of time, and would be extremely hard, and emotional. so rather than do something about it, i stayed depressed. i stayed on what was the easy road and just kept on living my unhappy life.
eventually something clicked, and i wanted to change. i wanted to be happy. i started on my journey to be happy again, in the hopes that part of the end result would be the loving and healthy relationship i was yearning for.
the last year of my life, i have been single, and i've been happy. i came to terms that my life would be exactly how i was living it, without the factor of love. although still hopeful that it would happen for me, i fully accepted my life the way that it was. i enjoyed my time out with my friends, and i also enjoyed the time i spent alone. i honestly think the longer i was single and enjoying my alone time, the picker i became. if i was out on a date and knew that i would have a better time at home by myself then i knew that wasn't the relationship i was looking for.
i also very much appreciated and still do appreciate my alone time. i am still my own person now that i am in a relationship, and i still have my own time. even as a single person from 3 months ago, i appreciated my alone time. did i often think it would be nice to share my time with someone?, absolutely. but i took my time by myself to focus on me. and i feel now that time served me well, because now i don't mind focusing my time on Chris and our relationship.
i believe that i can have that happy balance. and that my alone time went through the cycle of which it was suppose to go. depression, denial, acceptance, change, happiness. all of that happened because of me, not because of my "relationship status".

treadmill 15min
core 30min

the dad, ABQ, & misc.

2011-07-31T14:46:00.003-06:00

i have a goal this week. to get all caught up! AND to work out at least four times. i had a talk with Chris recently letting him know it was important to me to get in a "normal" workout week. because really i haven't had a "normal" week since Chris entered into my life, and he knows the importance behind my workout schedule. now granted, a normal week is actually five workouts, and i will try for that, but my personal goal is four. i let Chris know that once we have this normal week behind us, we can see how it effects "us" and adjust accordingly. so we'll see.
now more catch up talk.
two weeks ago Chris' dad was in town for a week to spend time with his son and time on the golf course. i met up with them a handful of times and i was nervous. going to meet the dad, is a big deal. and of course i was late for our first greeting. i felt horrible, and should have planned better for driving downtown on a sunday.
after the initial hello, i realized that i get along much better with mom's than i do dad's, just because of my own personal relationship. but getting to know his dad was easy. Chris and his dad are a lot a like. very funny, sarcastic, and witty. needless to say Chris' dad is the opposite of my dad. he talked with me, and showed me his warm personality, which helped me to open up.

Chris and his dad, Marty ~ Rockies game 7/20/11

the week was great. i got to see Chris while getting to know his dad, and see their son and father relationship. during our final good-bye Marty invited me to visit Nebraska whenever i wanted.

********

last weekend i was in Albuquerque to visit my dad who is currently recovering from having his left hip replaced. the visit was short, i flew in friday morning and left sunday morning. overall the visit was good. i got to visit with my parents and see a couple of friends including my cousin Kari.
my return last sunday was full of surprises, which i will treasure for the rest of my life. i honestly can't decide what i want to share on my blog, if anything at all. so for now i'll leave it at that.

******

this past week as been a great one. i've spent lots of time with Chris and we've made some big decisions, and a close friend of mine had a baby. so very busy, and emotional. all of it very very good. more to come...

master step 60min

an introduction

2011-07-28T21:24:00.006-06:00

Ugh! Talk about getting behind. I have the past two weeks to write about and everything in between. In general I feel so overwhelmed and it is important for me to document it all because I honestly don’t want to forget a thing! But first I’m going to cover some basics.

Let me introduce you to Chris…

Chris is my boyfriend.

As simple as I want to make this (as Chris would say KISS it {Keep It Simple Stupid}) for me this is a big deal. He realizes this, and knows that it’s important for me to get this out there. Rather than continue by calling him by C. (Or sea as my Uncle John says.) As Chris would say he isn’t going anywhere (he usually needs to reassure me daily, although I am getting better), so I am putting it out there for the world to see. Not that I haven’t hinted at it in past posts, or taken the word “single” out of my heading. Let the truth be known that I have a boyfriend and that I am somebody’s girlfriend.

Everything is so so great. And it’s important for me to take the time and recognize that. I truly appreciate Chris. Everything that he is, and everything that he has already given me in the short time we’ve been together. I feel as though he’s truly been there by my side since we met on May 21^st. He has been part of my everyday life since, and even though I know my life was great before I met him, I truly feel like I can’t remember my life without him.

Chris has brought a world of emotion into my life, all of it good. It’s a strange feeling always wanting it, but never thinking it would happen, but always hoping that it would. How I’ve always pictured this time in my life, MY TIME, as this wonderful feeling. Imagining all it could be. But what I’ve been given is so.much.more.

I’m left in awe and wonderment of it all.

So much more, that I often question it. I let my emotions get the best of me, rather than just accepting it. That YES, this is my life. That yes I am worth it, that I need to stop questioning if I deserve all of this. Because often that is what I do. And that is draining for both myself, and Chris.

I've been surprised and shocked by this guy. So many great things that have happened, are happening, and what I hope will happen. I feel so lucky and fortunate to feel the way that I feel. I'm looking forward to this moment right now, and relishing in the feeling of love.

treadmill 50min

on being alone

2011-07-21T21:31:00.004-06:00

Please know that I realize every person is different, every relationship is different, every marriage is between two people and is different. I get that I do. Each situation is different and the people involved are unique to themselves. I get that I do. With all that said realize that my writings are unique to myself and are the opinion of only myself. I don’t expect you to believe what I think, but to be open minded in what I do believe.

Ok, now that the fine print is out of the way: I believe in order to be happy with someone you have to be happy with yourself. I’ve known people who put all of their happiness into the person that they are with. Which sure, that is great and all. But someone else’s happiness won’t make you happy, not in the long run anyways. This comes out of me from the news of Jennifer Lopez’s and Marc Anthony’s marriage ending in divorce. And maybe I feel this way because I’m a little bit jealous that I’ve never been one of these people, but let’s look at Jennifer Lopez and question why it is that a relationship of hers has never lasted. In my opinion it is because she has never been alone. She’s been in back to back relationships for what seems like her whole life. It may be silly to bring up a Hollywood breakup to make this point, but honestly I've always felt this way about Jennifer Lopez. Whenever one of her relationships would end I would always say to myself "Good, now she can be alone, get to know herself before starting another serious relationship." But then, before long she would be in another serious relationship. Now I get the idea of falling in love fast, and falling in love hard especially when it is new and the feelings are so exciting and full of butterfly’s. But if you just jump from one person to the next how do you know you?, and how will that person who is trying to get to know you truly get to know the real you? When you haven’t been with just you. Does that make sense? Let me try to explain. I think that when you start a relationship with someone a part of you grows into the part of actually being a couple from the separate you. But the part that grows is new, for most part it shouldn’t be pre-existing. It should sprout and grow as the relationship sprouts and grows. If for whatever reason the relationship ends then that part needs to heal and essentially disappear. You need to learn and slowly process going back to yourself before this part grew from you. You need to get to know yourself again without that person and without another person. You need to be by yourself. I think that if you go from one person to the next you are doing yourself (and the new person) a disservice. You aren’t getting to know you, so truly how can this new person get to know you? I’ve been single majority of my life. The times that I’ve been single and either newly broken-up or just in longing to be with someone, was time to myself. Time for me to get to know me, time to grieve over my broken heart, time for me to become truly happy with being single, appreciating my time, and then accepting and being happy with the possibility that my happiness might just be in always being alone and building my life from there. I myself have dealt with all of the above.

I honestly was happy and had a good life before C entered the picture, but now that he is in the picture I feel that much more blessed to have him in my life and to share my happiness with. I truly believe that he is getting to know me and I am getting to know him. That we appreciated the time that we were single prior to meeting and because we had that time we now appreciate each other that much more.

I suppose my point is that in the big picture there is nothing wrong with being alone. That I grew a lot during my time alone. I understand that nobody probably wants to be alone, but that for some (me) it is a reality to have to face. I also understand that some people just can’t be alone, and that is why they jump from one emotional situation to another. Sometimes I wish that I could have been that person who didn’t have to deal with being alone, because I definitely think that is an easy way to go through life. But truly getting to know me, what I want, and how to live my life has helped me tremendously become who it is that I am today. And I think C truly appreciates that, and because of that I am truly thankful. Especially now that I am in a relationship, I can whole-heartedly by my true self with C and take comfort in the fact that he is getting to know me.

on a carriage ride in downtown denver 7/17/11

treadmill 30min

a new category

2011-07-18T20:38:00.005-06:00

along with me i feel like my blog is always changing. two years ago i used to write about going to the grocery store just to get out of the house on the weekends to talk to the person behind on the register. now my weekends are always fun filled creating new memories with my friends going out doing something new, and now more recently with my relationship with C. so here's a new label i'm adding: weekend rundown.
i feel as though i still have some catching up to do, so here were the happenings from the past two weekends.
saturday 7/9 C and i went to a wedding reception for a co-worker of mine. afterwords we went to a work get together with a bunch of C's co-workers. it was great to meet some people in his "circle" and be included into another part of his life.

@ the wedding reception

on sunday 7/10 we started the day at syrup a fabulous breakfast place in cherry creek north. i highly recommend it! we then headed to the denver museum of nature and science.

spectacular view of downtown denver

i think we are pretty cute!

we specifically went to this museum to check out the pirate exhibit. it was very cool.

C posing with a pirate.

saturday 7/16 C and i ventured down to colorado springs to visit the cheyenne mountain zoo. i had heard splendid things about this zoo, and after living in denver for 9 years i have finally checked it out!
the very first thing you see when you enter this zoo are the giraffe's! get this...you can feed them and touch them. they are right there!

C and his new buddy

we saw:

giraffe's

bear's

bird's

more bear's

a moose and turkey's

C and i on the tram ride

@ the top with CO springs in the background

colorado springs

hippo's

after the zoo we walked around old colorado city and manitou springs. both area's have a plaza feel like in santa fe. it was super nice.
i truly enjoy my one on one time with C. things can definitely get overwhelming and we have a busy few months ahead, but getting away doing things just the two of us is an experience in and of itself.

core 30min
elliptical 40min

~something i love~

2011-07-17T17:08:00.003-06:00

their are so many things i love about being on the current journey that i'm on. i've lived in my house for five plus years and i'm pretty sure the last time i enjoyed my backyard patio was probably some time in 2007 with my parents.
a few weeks ago C suggested we have dinner outside. i thought it was a great idea, and loved that i was able to enjoy a meal outside with him. since then we've had a few more meals out there, and it's great. their is no noise besides our conversation and all the time in the world to relax and enjoy our meals.
i love sitting back and drinking a glass of wine and just being. and just being with him. it is so relaxing and having C there makes the experience that much better, because truth be told if C wasn't in my life, my patio would still be vacant.

50/50 60min

Shifting

2011-07-14T20:57:00.006-06:00

Things in my life are changing. They have been changing for awhile now. Over the past two years I’ve changed emotionally, mentally, physically. I’ve gotten new friends, my job duties have changed countless times, I’ve changed my hair, I’ve changed how it is that I live my life. My whole atmosphere has changed. Besides my house, my car, and my two cats just about all other aspects of my life have changed. More recently I’m shifting my priorities. My focus is no longer solely on the gym and working out, although granted it isn’t far behind on my list of priorities, this is just…Life. It is such a crazy thing how life brings such changes over time. Of course there is a huge difference when you are the one to progress those changes, compared to the unexpected changes that you aren’t prepared for. I have often hoped that the natural progression of my life and the changes I’ve done over the past couple of years would lead me to what it is that I now have. How it seems that just.like.that. I have everything that I have ever wanted. Now of course, I am being a bit dramatic, but that’s just part of who I am. And no, I don’t truly have everything I have ever wanted, but I do feel that a big stepping stone has been fulfilled for me to be perfectly content.

My main focus right now is a new relationship. Building and growing, getting to know. Not only him, but me. Slowly allowing myself to be this person, because truly this person is so foreign. The last time I was this person was 5 and half years ago. Getting to know the April that is involved in a relationship. Being part of a “couple”. Having thoughts of us occupy my time, trying not to get ahead of myself. Enjoying the experience of sharing myself and someone sharing himself with me. I have to say that it is great, and weird, and the power to be truly life changing.

This truly does seem to be the natural progression of where my life was taking me. Of course, I say this now because this is where I wanted it to go. Did I doubt that it wouldn't happen? Absolutely. Just because you want something doesn't mean you are going to get it. All of it is so surprising and I'm soaking it in. Truly appreciating the new joy and happiness that has entered my life so suddenly...but then at the same time I feel like it couldn't have gotten here a helluva a lot sooner!!!

Yes, things are shifting, things are changing, and this fabulous person is getting some time of mine that would have normally been spent at the gym. And right now, I'm ok with that.
treadmill 35min

legs

RI pictures

2011-07-11T20:30:00.007-06:00

i know i know...it took long enough, but they are finally up.
pictures from my trip to Rhode Island! enjoy.

arrival: Katherine and I

Katherine getting ready for swim lessons

day at the beach.
didn't you know my God daughter is a model?!

super cool sand castle

Josh and Katherine

WaterFire in downtown Providence

Southwick's Zoo in Mendon, MA

bounce house fun on the 4th

followed by fun in the pool

sailboat ride off of Newport

classic beach pic

riding bikes

core 30min
treadmill 30min

an American girl

2011-07-09T14:09:00.002-06:00

gotta love an American classic from an all American girl!

triple cardio 60min

bullet point vacation

2011-07-08T13:08:00.003-06:00

late wednesday night i got back from my annual trip to Rhode Island. i had a good time hanging out with my aunt, uncle, cousin, and her two kiddo's which includes my beautiful God Daughter. i'll eventually get around to some details and pictures (of course) but here is the rundown.

Saturday July 2nd

Swimming lessons

Day at the beach

Sunday July 3rd

Southwick's Zoo

Bad Teacher

Water Fire

Monday July 4th

Run/jog

Cookout

Katherine's first viewing of fireworks

Tuesday July 5th

Run/jog

Pedicure

Newport sailboat ride

Wednesday July 6th

Late flight's

7/5/11

jog/walk 40min

just random

2011-07-08T12:45:00.003-06:00

i've been procrastinating writing my posts from my two workouts on vacation this past week. i'm not too sure why. probably because i want them to be more than just an "i worked out" post and actually write about something. but time yet again isn't in my favor. so this is all your getting.

i have lots and lots to cover. in due time my friends, in due time, i promise.

until then i'm seeking a prayer/happy thoughts/spirit fingers request for my dad who had his hip replaced yesterday. he's in recovery and is in pain, but getting better. i myself had a small heart attack yesterday as my mother forgot her cell phone and went through the whole day without hearing a single word until about 8pm when one of my aunts called to tell me all went well. i'm flying home in a couple of weeks to visit.

7/4/11

jog/walk 40min

~all kinds of crazy~

2011-06-30T21:46:00.003-06:00

i feel in love with this
dress last night
at Macy's.
seriously love it.

********

C and i
worked out together
for the first time tonight.
he survived!

********

this week i had both
spring fling cake
and
red mango.
score!

********

i'm heading
East
tomorrow.

********

the current phrase of the times:
the awkwardness was delicious.
all the cool kids are doing it.

********

i'm so over doing these
OOB's at work.
don't ask, i don't even know what they are.
what i do know is that
i'm responsible for processing them,
and that i have no idea
what they are.

********

treadmill 30min
back

staying generic

2011-06-29T14:10:00.003-06:00

i had a blog post all written ready to go to match last night's workout, but then i got home to a big RED internet light on my modem. i called to report the problem only to be told that their is an outage in my area. boo hiss to no internet(this left me with playing solitaire last night)! which left my mind occupied by this post and what to say. my mind stays awake way too much in regards to this blog, and most times i don't mind it, but last night it was a problem. i'm torn. i have so much to say. but not quite sure how to say it. i question whether or not i am ready, if my blog is ready?! isn't that ridiculous? i write down what i feel trying to stay vague knowing that my friends who i personally know, know exactly what it is that i'm saying and what i mean. then i think i should just write something i would normally write if what was going on in my life right now, wasn't going on, which would be a book review about the past two books i've read, because i do have some worthwhile comments in regards to that. but writing about something "normal" when something so great is happening, just doesn't seem right? am i rambling?, yes. i digress.
this is what goes on in my mind when i don't get to write a post when i want to. all of this thinking...waking up at 1:30am with all of these thoughts occupying my mind, unable to shut down and go back to sleep until 3:30 this morning.
when i need(want) to express something, i have to let it out, or else it just won't go away until i get it out. which i guess is what leads me to this rambling.
my life right now is pretty freakin' great. i have new relationship that i'm working on, that is requiring a little bit of double duty. i'm working on getting to know C and i'm working on getting to know me in this role i haven't been in for quite awhile now. i'm soaking it in. letting my workouts take (somewhat) of a backseat, because i really want to get to know this guy. i wish that i could document more but at this point in time my confidence isn't there yet. and i know that the only thing that will help that is time. so until some more time passes this is all you are gonna get (for now).

6/28/11

barbell strength 60min

~all kinds of crazy~

2011-06-23T21:07:00.002-06:00

have you planked lately?

********

am i the only one that plans out
their wardrobe when
leaving on vacation?
like actually write it out?

********

that's
ridiculous!

********

do you like
purple
unicorn's?
i was actually asked this question last week.

********

wanna read a funny story
about large chickens?
check it out.

********

hot
dog.

********

last night i had dinner
outside on my patio with C.
it was nice.

********

i think some spring fling
is in my future.

********

treadmill 30min
chest

remember this?

2011-06-21T21:06:00.004-06:00

i think one of the best things about having this blog and just documenting things in general is the ability to go back. go back and remember those feelings, that time, the emotions you felt. you get to reflect and realize that somethings are bigger than other and some are not as significant as what you had hoped.
i go back and look a lot. whether it be in the blog, pictures, my journals. going back and looking at the things i've documented as given me the ability to remember things. dates and events. it's a talent that i take pride in.
a couple of months ago i bought this dress. and then i found this post talking about this dress. when i got the dress i got a size Large. it seemed a little too big, so i ordered the Medium, but kept the Large in case the Medium didn't work, and plus i felt that surely a medium sized dress from Victoria's Secret can't fit me?!

i'm sure i've mentioned this before but from may 1999 to june 2002 i worked on the phones at Victoria's Secret catalogue. for the most part i loved this job. i got paid well, and was basically paid to shop as a "fashion consultant". VS comes out with on average one new catalogue a week. i loved looking through the catalogue's. seriously, loved. it was (and still is) a habit to immediately look through the pages and find all of the items that came in a size "XL" because that was the only size that would fit. i still have this habit, but i'm slowly learning i can wear anything and everything in the catalogue now.
when this dress first made an appearance in the catalogue i was immediately excited because it came in a XL. but i knew that then even an XL wouldn't have fit me.
well here i am this past weekend with C at a wedding wearing that dress in a size medium! nope, not an eXtra-Large or even a Large...but a Medium!!! and you know what?!, i love it. it looks super cute, and is comfortable.
majority of the time when i shop i'll grab a medium and a large. and i'm always so surprised that majority of the time it is the medium that looks better, and it is the medium that fits. never did i ever think i would be a medium, and i'm not even where i want to be. i know that it feels good, but at the same time i'm still not seeing it. to me i'll always be the person looking at the back of the rack looking for the largest size. that person will always be part of me.

barbell strength 60min

swing batter swing!

2011-06-20T21:16:00.005-06:00

friday night was another fun-filled evening with C and my friends! a group of us went to a Rockies game. for me nothing says summer like baseball! hanging out, relaxing, being outdoors, having fun.

me, C, Justine, Christina, and April

C & I

go Rockies! we won!

it was such a fun night. the weather was perfect, and my company was amazing.
i honestly feel as though i have so much to say, but no right words to use to give the experience i'm currently going through any justice. so for now i'll leave it at that and go forward to enjoying and appreciating my life as it is right now.

core 30min
elliptical 30min

The Places I've Been: WY

2011-06-19T21:15:00.005-06:00

more catch up.
last weekend i went on a camping trip to guernsey, wy. lots of my friends were very surprised by this. apparently i don't seem to be the camping type. well surprise surprise! this chick can camp! in fact some of my most favorite childhood memories are camping with my parents and fishing with my dad.
anyways, my friend april had been planning this trip since march and goes to this lake every year. this year was no different, except she invited all her friends to take part this year in the festivities! and well, for the most part all of us showed up!
this was a great trip. guernesy is about 3 hours north of where i live in CO, and beautiful. our campsite was tucked away in a little cove and right on the water.
C even came along, met a huge group of my friends for the first time and fit in wonderfully. not only that but we spent lots of time together talking and creating great memories.

the kiddos on the toys

view of the lake

view of our campsite

yummy s'mores by ayden!

annabelle, april, brandi, kortny, justine, and i

grace and ayden

brooklyn and daisy

around the campfire

christina, annabelle, and i

campfire

doesn't it seem like my group of friends and i are always having so much fun?! going on new adventures, creating lifelong memories?! well it is true. i appreciate my time with these friends so much. you would think it would be overwhelming at times, and i'm sure to an outsider it is, but we all have so much fun, that everything just seems to flow in a stream of organized chaos!
our 2nd camping trip is already booked for the end of august!
in attendance:
nicole and damon and their 2 girls
brandi and kevin and their 3 kids
C and i
christina and her 2 kids
april and bobby and their 2 kids
chris and kara and their 3 kids
annabelle and daniel and their 2 kids
scott
justine and charlie and their 2 kids
steven and kortny and their 2 kids
final count 37 humans plus 3 dogs!

master step 60min

an old friend

2011-06-19T20:53:00.003-06:00

i have so much to catch up on! life is crazy, and it almost seems as though i can't workout enough.
last friday 6/10 i got together with my old HS friend rachel. she traveled here from TX to attend her sister's wedding in boulder that was yesterday. i got together with her and her 3 beautiful girls, aubrey, lauren, and sasha. we checked out the children's museum and had lots of fun!

lauren, aubrey, and rachel playing with the bubbles

aubrey, lauren, and sasha in a bubble!

aubrey and lauren more fun with bubbles

lovely ladies
lauren, rachel, sasha, and aubrey

rachel and i

their always seems to be an instant comfort when you hang out with someone with your past. and rachel is no different. we had a great time catching up about life, and hanging out with her girls was such a blast!

6/16
treadmill 40min
legs

two funnies

2011-06-16T21:09:00.003-06:00

over the past couple of weeks i've seen two movies.
last week i went out with my friend jill. we had lunch together to see Bridemaids. this was sorta like a farewell get together. over the past six months jill and i have become really good friends. jill and i went to HS together and have the same mutual best friend michelle. we've always known of one another through michelle, but never were "friends". then in january jill moved from washington DC to denver to get a little closer to home. unfortunately she wasn't able to find a job in denver, and is in the process of moving back to DC. her move makes me sad, because we created a great friendship super quick when she moved here. but i know we'll keep in touch and have adventures elsewhere!
Bridesmaids was a hilarious movie. seriously so funny. perfect for two single ladies like jill and myself. so honestly that's all i can really remember about the movie. i know it isn't much a review. but i would definitely suggest that you check it out.
a couple of weeks ago C and i checked out the Hangover Part II. i had heard that this movie was a bit over the top. and well it was, and with that it was also very funny. the jokes were pretty much parallel to the original movie just more extreme. rather than a baby there was a monkey. rather in vegas they were in bangkok. etc... the most romantic part of this movie (if you can believe there was such a moment) was at the end, at the wedding where they lit and let go of flying lanterns. it was seriously like a scene out of Tangled. it was gorgeous.
out of the two if you must pick one, i would go see Bridesmaids.

treadmill 30min/elliptical 30min

MIA

2011-06-14T09:13:00.003-06:00

so i realize lately that i've been missing in action. a little bit absent from my blog. the main reason of course is that i haven't been to the gym, and of course i only blog when i workout. six days of no blog post, six days of no workouts. that's the second time this year that this has happened. of course when it happened in january it was because i was sick. this go 'round? it was because i was lazy. i'm trying hard to not beat myself up about it, because i could have easily worked out thursday and friday last week, i just chose not to. a friend of mine said it was ok, that my body needs a break. well that's why i try to workout five days a week, not seven. i know that the body needs a break. the body needs a day, not six of 'em. but what is done and done. i'm not too freaked out about it. but now i'm behind in my workouts and behind in my blog posts, because boy oh boy do i have lots to write about. oh baby!

here is what is in the works:

book review

movie reviews

saying goodbye to a new friend

seeing an old friend

camping trip

last night's post i had written last week, and had hoped to get it posted sooner but that obviously didn't happen. so i'm definitely in catch-up mode. thankfully i did a 5:30am workout this morning so that i can now look forward to seeing C later today!

stay tuned...

barbell strength 60min

reaching in the dark

2011-06-13T20:57:00.002-06:00

Sometimes, ok all of the time, I ask myself if I’m setting myself up for failure. Am I doing too much? But I’m a hopeful person. I believe that love is out there, more specifically my love. The love that someone has for me. My friend Sarah talks about love all the time, it is even the name of her photography company. She recently expressed about all the different kinds of love there are in the world. This often makes me question love though. You know when someone meets someone and they say “I’ve never felt this way before.” Well of course you haven’t. Your feelings are different because that person is different, the situation is different, the personality is different. So of course you’ve never felt that way before, because each one of us is different. And with each experience we feel something different. Each person brings out different things in us. So just because you haven’t felt that way before, does that mean that feeling is the feeling? I suppose this is the realist part of me. The part of me that questions everything. Analyzes every feeling and emotion, trying to figure out if the feeling that this person gives me, is the feeling of the rest of my life?

I stole the title of this blog post from this blog, and this post. My friend Sarah shared this blog with me, which makes perfect sense as I’ve stated she loves everything about love. I read this post, and thought of my own journey. Like the writer of this post, I often wonder if I’ll meet someone to love me in the full romantic type of love that I yearn for. Honestly sometimes I’ll wear the ring that my ex gave me our first Christmas together, just to remind myself that I was once loved like that. The symbol of that ring brings me hope that it might be out there for me again one day.

Part of me is scared, so very scared of finding someone, being love, then being hurt. I don’t want to go on this journey just to be heart-broken again. But of course, I know there is no guarantee and given the right opportunity that is a risk I’m willing to make. Because truly I know another heartbreak is something I could survive. I’ve been close to finding that risk worth taking. But I never fully took the jump, mainly because I was never given the time to do so. Which I guess is for the better and allows me to protect myself.

Right now it seems as though that opportunity might be presenting itself again. But I’m scared. I’m trying to be more guarded this go-round. Learn from my mistakes. But here I am writing about him. C is someone new. From e-ha. We’ve been dating almost 4 weeks. What I like about this courtship is I feel like he is courting me. The timing and the time we spend together hasn’t been this crazy intense time frame. Things are progressing naturally with this guy. It feels good. I think I had doubts at first, which are slowly going away the more time we spend together.

The first weekend we met, we did see each other Saturday and Sunday, but all other days have been separated by a day or two. Which is good. To me, that is normal, and how it should be. Every single time we see one another he makes it a point to plan out when we will see each other again. That makes me feel wanted, which is truly what we call want, right?! I know that I like this guy, and I know that he likes me. Which for the three week mark is normal. With my pattern things usually change or shift by the 6-week mark, which I guess is what I’m waiting for. I also know that I’m scared to like him. Scared to see the potential that I know is there. Which I guess is why I’m giving it time. Taking things much slower than I have in the past, in the hopes of getting a different outcome, a different experience. Hoping that it’ll be worth it.

treadmill 30min/elliptical 30min

have you seen this?

2011-06-06T20:51:00.002-06:00

check it out!

let the countdown begin!
five months away!
i can hardly wait, i have goosebumps!!!

treadmill 45min
elliptical 20min

highlights

2011-06-05T22:25:00.002-06:00

i had quite the busy weekend. here are the highlights.
friday ~

date night with C

saturday ~

outdoor run! it felt great to get in an outdoor workout.
birthday party for the super cute Avery and Brooklyn
tanning
graduation party
hanging out at the parties with my friends!

sunday ~

master step. i'm slowly getting better.
more tanning spent pool side! it was SO nice.
date afternoon/evening with C.

the weather is getting hotter, and i love it. like seriously love it. i've learned that when the weather is hot to enjoy it, get outside and soak it up! because it can easily go away not to return!

master step 60min

BolderBoulder Part II

2011-06-04T12:32:00.003-06:00

here's the proof behind the race! my official pictures from the BolderBoulder 2011!

julie and i pre-race

the below images courtesy of brightroom:

since we have the official photos, here are the official stats:

bib number:: NC245
overall place:: 32228
location:: Westminster, CO
division:: F31
division place:: 523 out of 728
gender place:: 15534 out of 26938
mile 1:: 00:11:55.37
mile 2:: 00:12:50.38
mile 3:: 00:13:21.04
mile 4:: 00:12:49.33
mile 5:: 00:12:24.37
mile 6:: 00:13:46.00
net time:: 01:19:40.38
pace:: 12:49 (based on net time)
outdoor run 50min

~all kinds of crazy~

2011-06-02T20:54:00.003-06:00

image

i'm slowly overcoming
my fear of
the bosu ball.

********

i feel like such a
rebel
when i turn
without using my
turn single.
it seriously gets my heart racing.

********

on monday i finally watched
"the royal wedding".
when were they announced husband and wife?
and when did he kiss the bride?

********

what do the new princess
and
my god-daughter
have in common?
they have the same name:
Katherine Elizabeth!

********

there is a dead
bee
in my basement.

********

on tuesday
i forgot to wear a ring.
it was weird,
and uncomfortable.

********

i saw an old friend today.
at the gym of course.

********

today was stressful at work.
laying out in the sun for an hour before
strike! was heavenly.

********

i absolutely love
NOT
wearing socks.

********

strike! 60min

question of the week:

2011-06-01T20:49:00.002-06:00

Awhile ago my very supportive and loving Uncle John sent me a newspaper article titled "Five common mistakes when online dating". I still have the article up on my bulletin board thinking I would reference it once I came to actually fine toning my search by going to eHarmony. One of the "mistakes" is: "You don't self-promote. Enlist a friend who knows you well to help highlight your best qualities and strengths on your profile." Original traits that make me, me. So that is my question for you...my friends!

******

How should I describe myself?

I like to think that I’m different. Different good, of course. Writing that out is difficult, which is why I’m seeking your advisement. Plus, I’m curious as to how you would describe me. Of course I’m looking for the positives, but constructive criticism is always welcome. *keyword: constructive. Even if you don’t know me, and only know me through my blog please feel free to share your thoughts. My blog is pretty raw, and is a good reflection of who I am as a person, so I’m fine with getting your opinion as well. For those of you that truly do know me outside of this blogging world, help me verbalize the type of person that I am. I would love to create something witty and original and will make me stand out…more than what I already do, of course!

So tell me:

What are some things I should highlight about me?

Thanks so much in advance!

zumba 60min

my first 10k!

2011-05-30T20:34:00.004-06:00

today was a big day. it was a good day. an accomplished day. today i did my first 10k. ...one of the biggest most popular 10k's in the country, attendance for this race averages 50,000+. today i did the BolderBoulder! woot woot!!!
i first heard about this race in the spring of 2003 when i heard some people talking about it. it immediately peaked my interest, and at that point i told myself i would do this race at some point in time. eight years later, i finally did it! honestly, this race has been in the back of my mind for the past two years. i knew i was on this journey to lose weight, and i knew this race would be a great goal for me. it's been a big focus of mine, to actually feel like i could do this race. this year was that year!
unfortunately i didn't get hardly any "training" in to feel like i would feel fully prepared for this race, but as everyone told me i would do fine. and you know what? i did great! i had hoped to do some more outdoor runs to prepare for this race, but the last time i ran outside was for the mother's day 5k, and i have spent some more time on the treadmill and increasing my running time. but, that's about it.
this race is huge, and consists of many many waves. i registered for a jogging/walking wave with a predicted end time of 90 - 100 minutes. my own personal goal was 85 minutes. i knew that i could do a 5k in 39 minutes, and i also knew that i would slow down greatly for the second half, so i gave myself 2 extra minutes per mile, which is where i got 85minutes. well i did not slow down! my official end time: 1:19:40, which i'm rounding up to 80 minutes (but really it is technically 79!), which is a whole 5 minutes off of my goal!!!
i only took a few photos, all with my camera phone. i did meet up with my friend julie whose sister took a picture of us, but i don't have it. and the event does have a sponsored photograph team, once i get those pictures i do plan to purchase and share those with you.
for all things BolderBoulder click here.

walking to the start line

getting closer

this race is very entertaining. bands, and dancers, and performers throughout the whole thing, and water stations every mile! one house was throwing out marshmallows, another gave you dorito's, one had a keg stand, and one had a slip 'n slide. the people were also entertaining. i saw a group of college guys in green sequins leotards, and another group of people all painted purple. 6.2 miles around Boulder and you are bound to see a little bit of everything!

finish line @ folsom field

i expected to be emotional at the end of this race. but i wasn't. i think i'm coming to the understanding that this is my life. that yes it is a big deal, but that it is now what is to be expected of me. that i'm this healthy, active, person who does 10k's!
i would say that i jogged about 75% and walked 25%. the second half wasn't nearly as difficult as i thought it would be, i could feel my endurance and feel that it was doing fine. that i could keep on going. if i told myself i needed to be jogging, i didn't really think about it, i just did it.

bolderboulder 10k 80min

come one come all

2011-05-29T15:23:00.002-06:00

something freaky happened to me last night. i was upstairs watching TV when my doorbell rang a little bit after 10:30pm. at first i didn't hear it, but then it rang again and it freaked me out. i looked out my bedroom window to see a white truck in the drive-way. i tried to think of anyone i know with a white truck, but was coming up blank. the door continued to ring, followed by rocks being thrown at my window. i was seriously freaking out. i kept thinking it would be great if it was some sort of romantic gesture, but thought if that were the case and someone was ringing my doorbell and i wasn't answering it, i would get a phone call or text of someone telling me that they were outside of my house. but i received no suck phone call or text.
needless to say, i didn't sleep too good last night because of this, and i'm frustrated because i really needed a good nights sleep, because i know tonight i won't sleep very well with pre-race jitters.
then this morning when i came home from working out i saw a note sticking out of this little mailbox i have right next to my front door that read this:
"Hey sorry it's late. I was coming home from my cousin's house in Firestone and thought of you. I just felt bad how things went down and just wanted to say I was sorry. I'm such a stupid man...you don't even know. If you want to call me 720-6*^-1234. I pray all is well and you met a great guy and again I'm sorry. Z."
as i've stated i've been dating quite a bit since october, and there are a handful of guys that i've gone out with that haven't even been mentioned on the blog. Z is one of them. we went out back in december. had a good first date downtown before i went to the parade of lights, then we met a second time at my house the next day before i went to a gingerbread making party. he was literally over at my house for like 5 minutes. after that meeting he told me he was getting back together with his ex. so it was done.
he obviously doesn't have my phone number, and i think it i safe to say that he doesn't even remember my name. but he remembers where i live?! now those of you that know where i live, know that my house isn't easy to find. so the fact that this guy found my house 6 months after a very short visit, is crazy. the fact that he showed up out of nowhere is crazy, left me a note, crazy. all of it crazy. why does it seem like out of nowhere all of these guys are reappearing?! i suppose this is the cycle, but geesh.
no, i have no plans of contacting Z, just making an observation by telling you.
plus his words in his little note. it's interesting, because i feel that i'm special, and i feel that most guys feel that as well, when they meet me. and of course it feels good to know that this dude thought of me. it's just so interesting that in the moment, nothing happens.
as my friend april would say: "these are the days of april and her life!"...or something like that. such drama. but not really. but it is entertaining.
what have i learned from this? go out with a guy at least a handful of times before bringing him home.

50/50 60min

this new thing

2011-05-28T13:48:00.003-06:00

warning long post ahead
***

I want to chronicle my time spent with eHarmony AKA eh, AKA e-ha. I told myself that once I was at my goal weight I would sign up for said paid dating site in hopes of having better luck compared to the free sites. The week prior to Easter I just had a feeling. A feeling that if I didn’t join now, I just might be passing something great up. Maybe it was to meet J, maybe because I just feel like it is my time. I mean c’mon now I get that dating is a numbers game. You have to put yourself out there in order for something to happen, especially at my age. It seems as though the odds have to be in my favor as over the past 7-8 months I’ve been doing lots of dating. Something quality has to happen eventually, right?!...RIGHT?! And I truly do feel that something big is about to happen in my life, even if it is just a feeling of overpowering want. I can’t be single forever, right? So why not. (ok, so yes I do realize that I could be single forever, I just don’t want to be single forever.) So I said screw the “wait until you are at your goal weight” idea and just did it. Once I arrived at the site eh already had my email address. I got logged in and was pretty shocked by what I found. I had forgotten that I had joined eh during one of their free weekends back in 2007. They had my original profile back from four years ago!, including old pictures. Wow. Obviously a huge change. I am SO not the person I was in 2007. So after spending time cleaning everything up, and posting new pics, I was off.

I immediately got a few “nudges” of guys requesting to see my pics. I was completely thrown off by this, because when I viewed my profile my pics were there to be seen, and I had received the appropriate “approved” emails from eh telling me that my pics were up and running. As stated previously J was my very first match. In the world of eh you do no searching. About once a day eh sends you an email of all your new and compatible matches. This gets to be very overwhelming. You get about 5 or 6 matches a day. Example, right now I have about 90 matches…mind you this includes guys that I have “archived”, and this is what I have since joining on Easter four weeks ago. “Archived” is basically closing a guy..either I just wasn’t attracted to him, or didn’t like things he wrote in his profile etc… So basically right now I have 90 guys I could be interested in, if they would communicate with me. Out of those 90 right now I’m actually communicating with about four. The communication is very back and forth. The first move is the guy sends you five questions. These questions are e-ha questions. You select five out of like 30. Like on a Saturday night what do you like to do? Or your dream vacation would be…? Those types of generic questions, but at the same time the questions are good because they could eventually lead to full on conversations. Know that I can communicate first with a guy, I just think that the guy should make the first move. Now if a guy ever catches my fancy to have me communicate with him first, that my friends will be a big deal.

J immediately caught my eye. Super good looking, tall enough, witty in his profile, and things in common. By Monday I got my first communication with J. I honestly can’t remember the questions he sent me, but I responded and I sent him my questions. By this time I was navigating eh trying to figure out why these guys were asking to see my pictures. On my settings I had it so that you had to communicate with me first, and then you could see my pics. Mind you, J wasn’t one of the guys asking to see my pics. He had requested my communication without even knowing what I look like! Major points for J once I figured that out. I then updated my settings so that the guys could see my pics once we were matched, since I figured that was truly only fair.

By Tuesday I received back my answers from J. One of the questions I sent him was something like this: “What would you do for me if I came home from a bad day at work?” Now with these questions you have a choice of four options, or a fill in your own answer option. J went for the latter, and responded: “I would bring you take out, and let you tell me about all of the horrible women you work with.” This response immediately made me laugh out loud because it was funny, and I work with mostly men. I thought “wow this guy is funny, and he’s showing me his personality with this writing, which isn’t really an easy thing to do.” I immediately decided to skip steps 2 and 3 in the e-ha communication world, and go straight for the messaging. I wrote him a message stating that he made me laugh and that I wanted to tell him so. Now if things were still going strong with J I would invest in writing down the rest, but we all know how that ended.

I will say that eh definitely does offer me some more quality guys. And I think it is safe to say that majority of these guys are looking to settle down, which is good because ideally that is what I’m looking for. And because of the “match” process you do meet guys that you would get along with. Although lately I haven’t really put in a lot of my own personality with guys communicating with me. Mainly because of J. I have met someone else. And he’s ok. We met Saturday, went out again Sunday, and most recently Wednesday. He’s good on paper, but really so are a lot of these guys. But no really strong feelings toward this guy. I’m just not excited about this guy like I was J, but I’m putting in a good effort. I know I’ve said this before but for me what is so weird about dating right now is that these guys want to see me again. You could tell this new guy wanted to see me prior to Wednesday, but I have workouts, and as of right now I don’t deem him worthy enough to miss a workout, or to change my workout schedule to see him. I’ve also learned to not close a door completely because just when you do, something happens. I heard from M last night, which was out of nowhere, considering last I heard from him was almost three weeks ago. He had randomly called me twice during one of my initial dates with J, but didn’t leave a message. Followed by a text a few days after said missed calls that stated “I tried calling a few times so I won’t bother you anymore.” Now if you don’t give me anything to respond to, I’m not going to respond. You didn’t leave a message telling me to call you back, and who knows what I’m so suppose to say in reply to a text like that. Especially if I don’t really like you all that much to begin with. Why put forth the effort? Plus the past two times we saw one another he didn’t really show that much interest in me. He basically came over to hang out at my place just to leave. It was pointless really. So then the other night I get this out of nowhere “What happened?” I explain to him he didn’t give me anything to respond to. It eventually ended with an “I can see where this is headed. I wish you the best.” In which I replied “You too!” He then followed that up with “Just for the record, I did really like you.” I responded “Ok.” I knew that this dude liked me, my problem was that he never really showed that he liked me. Then more recently I heard from R. I mean c’mon…come one come all?! These guys are seriously coming out of nowhere. But honestly it gives me hope, that maybe just maybe, I’ll randomly hear from J, because that is really who I want to hear from.

In all honesty I can’t get this crazy gut feeling out of my system about J. The feeling of something is meant to happen with this dude. I totally feel like he didn’t give “us” a chance. I KNOW that this guy liked (likes) me. Now knowing a little bit more about him, he had some pretty strong feelings for me early on. Now as to what triggered his change of heart and when his doubts came into play, I have an idea, but truly have no clue. I wish that we could just start over, and right now I’m trying to decide if I want to fight for that. On Sunday I stopped by his work, and dropped off his eye-contact solution and toothbrush that he left over at my place on what was our fourth date. He wasn’t working, but he got the items Monday morning, and sent me a text “Thank you for my stuff!” in which I sent “You’re welcome. I want you to know I think about you.” His reply: “I think about you too.” I was very much so surprised that he responded at all, because I didn’t think that he would. Of course that response has given me this small glimmer of hope, that I have no idea what to do with. And as of right now I have done nothing with. Is it bad to hope that he has an experience like what I’m having right now? Where he meets another girl goes out a few times, but keeps thinking about me?! Because truly that is where I am at. Then hope that he’ll do some magical grand gesture to win me back?! …hey, a girl CAN dream, can’t she?! It is taking everything in me to not DO anything. Give it a few days, maybe a few weeks. And maybe by then I’ll be more rational about this experience. But I’m a doer, if I want to DO something, I DO it. Right now I want to CALL J and say to him “I really think we could be awesome. Can’t we just start over?” I also know that J is a doer. And that if he wants to do something, he too will do it. Which tells me I need to do nothing. But that’s so hard to DO!!!

Overall this week on e-ha has been a slow one, no new communication with any of my new matches. Sometimes I wonder if I’m trying to hard?! But then I tell myself the game that I’m in is a numbers game. And unless I keep dating, then my “one” might just pass me by.

elliptical 35min/treadmill 25min

~all kinds of crazy~

2011-05-26T20:43:00.004-06:00

i love dance. like really really love.
but for some reason, i just can't get into
"so you think you can dance".
believe me,
i have tried.

********

i'm not feeling
all that random.

********

thank you emily,
for introducing me to this blog.
l o v e it!

********

i'm not really digging ashley
as the new "bacholorette".
but that doesn't mean i won't watch.
because
i will.

********

i can't decide if i should record
the last episode of
"oprah".

********

as anyone ever done
this?

how'd it go?

********

random thought from emily:
did you know that in paris
the movie "the hangover 2"
is called
"very bad trip 2"?
the proof is here.

********

super long post coming up about
e-ha.

********

i did a new class tonight.
it always amazes me how something new
always hurts and is challenging.

********

hip hip hooray
for a 3 day
weekend!!

********

fit 60min

a force of nature?

2011-05-24T20:42:00.003-06:00

I recently had a conversation with someone new in my life. We were talking about some of the hardest things we’ve had to do in our lives. With this subject I honestly feel blessed, because I haven’t really had all that horrible things happen to me for me to work through in my life. I’ve dealt with depression twice in my life and had one true horrible heartbreak. But really that’s it. And really those things aren’t that bad, compared to what some people have to go through and get through. I do have other struggles in my life, but those are things I deal with everyday, things that will always be a work in progress throughout the rest of my life. And I’m ok with that. I think part of dealing with life’s struggles is knowing that some just won’t ever go away. That they are there to be part of your life, not just to get through. Does that make sense?

Anyways, while my mother was here I was telling her about this conversation, and I had a moment of clarity. I realized that the path of my life back in 2007 and 2008 wasn’t a good one. Now granted I’ve always known this but I realized that it was me who put a stop to it. I found myself walking in a maze with only one way out. Only one road to one very destructive ending. My road lead to an unhappy, obese, depressed, lonely, fat lady. That’s what I was on many levels during that time, and the road carved ahead me solidified that. That was what I had made of my life since 2006. Growing more depressed and more overweight. Having no real direction except for the one in front of me. Why try and change, when this was so clearly my future? Why go against what seems to be so natural? But somewhere along the road in front of me, I decided to carve a different path. Make my own way other than the one in front of me. I literally beat down the walls around me in my life to make a change. To have my road lead to a different ending. Become a different person, create a different road. Everything in me was going against what I was doing…I was changing what was “suppose” to happen. Not only did I change where my road was to lead me, but I also gained everything in between. I kept digging until I was so far away from that road that there would never be an option of going back. Never. To this day I am still digging, and I know that I always will be...digging, fighting, working, for a better me.

Making my own way has easily been one of the hardest things I have ever done. Changing the entire course of my life hasn’t been an easy thing to do. But realizing that where my life goes is up to me has been a huge power. At the time I didn’t realize it, and it saddens me that for so long I was ok with the road I was on of being a unhappy, obese, depressed, lonely, fat lady. But it is amazing to me that I can tell my story to someone new and that person can recognize the hard work it takes to make a decision to change your life so fully. Because this person too has changed their life.

We make decisions every single day. Most decisions are small, but some are big, and stand out for the rest of our life. Most decisions are also somewhat easy to make, because we know what we want. Granted my decision to lose weight was an easy one to make, but to actually do it. That’s completely different, especially when I’m going against what was “suppose” to happen. Doing the opposite of what nature had intended. It's not easy, but I am proof that it can be done.

treadmill 15min/barbell strength 60min

finally a new number!

2011-05-23T20:46:00.003-06:00

talk about perfect timing. i needed some happy news in the world of april and yesterday i got just that! i stepped on the scale to new all time low! 174! you got that?! finally...it only took me 7 months to lose one pound!!! now of course when i state it like that, i feel like crap. so rather than focus on the negative, i'm going to focus on the fact that i'm a new number! a number i have never been.
i recently came to the conclusion that it is so much easier to lose weight in the summer month's. you eat lighter, you eat better, you are more active. plus if you are me, you are dating. and c'mon while i'm on a date, very rarely do i clean my plate. so i have better portion control.
now i just need to keep on going. so many people have told me i have lost weight, when truly i haven't. my mom told me that i do look smaller compared to when i was home for christmas. i like to think it is because i'm getting more tone, but who knows.
so for right now, i like this path that i am on. now i need to keep looking for those smaller numbers, because i know that they are out there. i just need to find them!

treadmill 45min
elliptical 20min

raining T-nuts

2011-05-22T13:51:00.004-06:00

yesterday was a big day! it was my friend Sarah's baby shower! Sarah is one of my closest friends and this day was long over due!, but baby Zook is all about him and making his time known. it was such a fun celebration for Sarah and her bundle of joy and BOY that is coming Summer 2011! watch out world, things are about to get that much cooler with this little dude around!

never a shortage of food and drink!

how about some desserts!!! check out THOSE cupcakes!

this child is SOooo loved! so many presents for one special baby.

this group of friends all chipped in and bought sarah pictures of her new baby over the course of his first 12 months! such a blessing!
justine, kim, tina, april, sarah, sara, denise, and diane

sarah and i

this girl means the world to me. throughout the past two years she has been my motivator, communicator, and friend. she has seen me completely raw, and all freaked out. i'm so excited for her and her new family! Mr. T is one lucky little dude, as he has some pretty kick a$$ parents. not only was her shower yesterday, but today is her birthday. so...

happy birthday Sarah!  
have a beautiful day.  ENJOY!!!

master step 60min

oops...i did it again!

2011-05-21T22:18:00.003-06:00

my tuesday evening workout was interrupted when i arrived home, opened my garage door, to only have it open a couple of inches. i immediately knew i had no way inside of my house. i'm not too sure why, but i seem to have a talent of locking myself out of my house.
my first phone call was to my parents. i'm not too sure why, as they are 450 miles away. i guess maybe just to talk out the situation out loud. once i spoke to them i called my friend sarah whose brother works on garage doors. next call was to bobby, because i knew the only real way into my house was to jump my backyard fence, and go through my backdoor. thankfully bobby was able to come to my rescue, jump the fence like the buff spider monkey that he is, and get into my house.
here's how i successfully looked myself out of my house.
i have two front doors. a plastic door, and the main front wooden door. the plastic door i keep locked with a latch from the inside. see below.

view from the inside of my house

last summer when my parents came to visit my dad suggested and bought a combination lock to secure and put on the inside of my backyard gate. see below.

view from inside of my backyard

both of these locks were in place when i arrived home tuesday. now i'm trying to get in the habit of keeping the latch unlocked when i leave my house, so i have away to get in if this ever happens again.
thankfully on wednesday my friend's brother was able to come out and replace the springs on my garage that had broken.
just a day in the life!

triple cardio 60min

just kidding

2011-05-20T21:37:00.003-06:00

I spoke too soon. You would think I would learn my lesson, listen to my cousin Kari. J and I are no longer. Last night we were suppose to go to dinner and see my friends Aerial show, but yesterday afternoon he called me left me a message requesting I call him. Now I had a specific conversation lined up for when we saw each other. A conversation to probe what “this” is, talk openly about where we are going, and to hopefully come to the conclusion that we are indeed on the same page. When I called him back and was headed over to his place he basically said the same thing, that he wanted to make sure that were on the same page and that he was having some doubts. I told him I was relived he brought up the conversation, and that I want to talk about it, but that I’m driving and if we could talk about it once I got to his place. He agreed. Once I arrived at his place we spoke about the past few days. I hadn’t heard from him Tuesday or Wednesday so we just got caught up, and expressed my disappointment in not hearing from him. I asked him what his doubts were, and he basically told me that he has gut feeling that I’m not “the one”. And that he doesn’t want to ignore what his gut is telling him, and that if I am having the same doubts that yes we can continue to see one another, but he doesn’t want to lead me on. Basically what ended up happening is my doubts are with me, and not with us. Which determined we aren’t on the same page. At one point in time we discussed slowing things down and agreed to give it a try, but determined that wasn’t a good idea. We both like each other a lot, and what he does know about me he does like, but he doesn’t see marriage in our future. This hurts a lot. I obviously can’t change his mind, and make him feel something that he doesn’t feel. But now I’m questioning everything and doubting everything and replaying everything in my head. I get so wrapped up in wanting something. And the fact that I truly like this guy is a big deal. He’s the first guy in a long time that I thought I could actually start a real relationship with.

At one point in time I left his house, only to return for some more closure. I hate the end of things, because I don’t want to regret anything. There’s a lot of pressure to try and say everything that you want to say when you know you aren’t going to see someone again. He’s such a great guy, and he told me that things are great when we are together, but his doubts arise when we are apart, which is why I hadn’t heard from him the past two days.

Now I have to start all over. Which is so emotionally draining to think about. On Easter Sunday I joined eHarmony. Which is how I met J. This site is very overwhelming. You don’t do any searching, they send you your matches. J was my very first match, and the first guy to communicate with me. The first week was intense, with telling each other our life stories. Which for me included dealing with my depression, weight issues, and weight loss. Telling him about making that decision to create a healthier life for myself. Going through that isn’t easy. And the idea of starting brand new again, meeting someone else, going through the initial stages just seems so draining. But I don’t want to give up, so I will continue. I think I go so wrapped up in the whole eHarmony thing, and thinking how amazing it would be if my very first match turned out to be The One. I told everybody about him…before we had even met. He even met my mom when she was here. Stupid! Because now four weeks later I have to tell everyone that I’m not going to see him again. I need to really learn to old back. Not be so open. But really that’s part of who I am. I’m an open book. I’ve known this about myself, but at the same time I need to protect myself, my feelings, my emotions. When I first told my cousin Kari about J she told me not to share him on my blog, until I knew something serious was happening. I really wish I would have listened to her. Because look what happened. Three days after telling you all about him, I’m now telling you he is out of the picture. When in reality had I not told you about him, I wouldn’t had to tell you he left. Writing this is hard. I don’t want to write this.

Now I realize that this is for the best. I am thankful that he was honest with me about his doubts, that he didn’t just string me along because everything else was good. I give him credit for that I do, but that doesn’t mean the process doesn’t hurt. Believe me, I know that I’m better off, that I deserve better, and heck, even J pointed that out.

I hate how one person can make you so elated and happy, and then just so depressed and sad. I know that I’ll be fine, I always am, but my goodness I am not cut out for this. This roller coaster of emotions and dating. Honestly I wonder if I am even relationship material. The first week is so amazing, always every time. The guy is so into me. Then someone changes. Who knows what that is, but I can’t help but feel it is something with me, because I can’t seem to break this pattern. I thought maybe it was the quality of guy and how we were meeting. Which is why I decided to go to more reputable place like eHarmony and give that a shot. But I’ve gotten the same outcome.

I will keep going. It’s what I do. I don’t want to not try. I signed up on eHarmony for six months. Which puts me to the end of October. We’ll see what happens. What I do ask is for your happy thoughts, prayers, spirit fingers…whatever it is that you do, please send them towards me. I realize it is something small, but it is also something that I want. So I’ll take whatever it is that I can get. It can’t hurt, right? For now, I'll keep doing what it is that I'm doing, because truly that is all that I can do. Trust, believe, have faith, that everything will happen exactly as it should.

treadmill 40min
elliptical 25min

crazy girl head

2011-05-16T22:39:00.003-06:00

it is now 10:40pm at night, and i have been up since 5am. their are two very obvious wrong things with that picture. one, it is about an hour past my normal bedtime, and two, i am not a morning person and 5am is super duper early for me. why the early start and the late night? oh c'mon, it should be obvious. a new guy of course! we'll refer to him as J. i'm trying to be cautious about the details even though out in the real world i've thrown caution to the wind. but for now i'm not going to disclose the who, what, when, where, why, and how. ..maybe eventually all the good details will be known.
for now i'm trying to be cool calm collected cool chick april. trying to enjoy this new experience, relish in the fact that me and this dude just might be on the same page. it is very new. we've only been dating for two weeks, but overall it has been great. i'm working on not getting carried away like i usually do when i find myself actually liking a guy. i'm looking forward to a "normal" week this week, as the first week he was in the picture my mom was in town, then last week he was out of town for four days. so this week is the first week where nothing but our normal schedules are there for us to work around. plus we've gotten over the initial jitters, and are more comfortable with each other.
i'm working on taking a step back, and trying not to rush into anything. honestly as much as i want to have certain conversations, at this point in time, it just isn't the right time. lately i've felt like i've become this serial dater, and i don't like it. J is a relationship kind of guy, and hopefully that is where this going, because i am definitely ready for that. until then crazy girl april needs to relax. not over analyze everything, and trust that in due time, things will happen just as they should.
....oh if only that were easier said than done!!!

elliptical 30min
treadmill 30min

more cleaning

2011-05-15T20:50:00.002-06:00

today i did my bi-annual closet clean out. i gotta say that doing this over the past couple of years is very refreshing. each time i get rid of a ton! because my clothes keep getting too big for me. obviously this is a very good problem to have! i still have to go through the closet in my spare bedroom which holds all of my dresses and skirts. which i think i'm going to have to get rid of majority of what is in there, because i couldn't find anything when i got ready for mother's day brunch last week.
i cleaned out so much that i have five huge garbage bags of too big for me clothes hanging out in my garage right now.
in addition to cleaning out my closet and switching clothes to spring and summer (now only colorado needs to catch-up!) i also cleaned out my linen closet down stairs.
i've easily put off this tast for at least 3 or 4 four years. ...yes, i am a procrastinator. i went through this closet and got rid of a ton of coats, sweaters, jackets, etc... plus, i did some cleaning and organizing. the feeling is just so refreshing! it was amazing to try on some of these items. i had one jacket that was a 3xL, and another that was a 24W. come next fall, i'll need some new stuff!
here is the finished and cleaned outcome of my linen closet.

all of the items going to goodwill.

i have so much space now! in my linen closet, in my closet in my bedroom, in the drawers in my bedroom. it's great!
on friday night i had an old navy coupon and did some more spring shopping. i got a pair of jean shorts, a skirt, and a bathing suit!
i'm officially set for summer!

strike! 60min

the facebook book

2011-05-14T23:07:00.003-06:00

book review
the accidental billionaires
the founding of facebook: a tale of sex, money, genius, and betrayal
by ben mezrich

i realize i haven't done a book review in awhile. mostly because i feel my book reviews aren't really all that great. usually i don't have anything too enlightening to say, regardless if i think a book is great or bad. when i read a book i usually tell myself to make mental notes of things i would bring up in a book review on my blog, but when i actually finish the book, all those mental notes are long gone! but i liked this book that much to write about it. not much the book, but the movie too.
i saw the movie back in october. the movie was great. to be honest the whole facebook world to me is quiet fascinating. this whole online social-networking thing is really just weird. it's crazy to think of how this website came to be. prior to the movie i had no idea it was a book. so the book was a pleasant surprise.
if you've seen the movie you know that it has a very specific attitude throughout the whole thing. and what's amazing about the book is that the book as the very same attitude. i loved the style of this writer. very dry, but funny, and lots of personality. i've never thought of a type of writing to have a specific type of attitude, but the way it was portrayed on screen is exactly how you would imagine it to be. which to me is pretty talented. the writer did repeat himself at times, but i think that was part of the betrayal part. the fact that you don't want to believe you are being betrayed. so you continue on in denial, until what was in your gut was happening all along.
unlike most book to movie adaptations, the movie actually had more details than the book. the movie went into details of the lawsuit against facebook and mark zuckerberg, which the book does not.
both the movie and the book are very entertaining. i would strongly recommend both.

treadmill 30min
elliptical 30min

~all kinds of crazy~

2011-05-13T10:58:00.003-06:00

image*

i love the smell of

lavender blossoms.

lavender in general

for that matter.

********

not too sure what's been up with

blogger.

but this post is technically for

last night's workout.

********

i did two

(count 'em 2)

squat pyramids this week.

the first was to 15.

last night

21.

helloooooooo

cupcakes!

********

i love pizza.

********

i've been super spacey lately.

it's embarrassing the things i've done (or haven't done).

monday i left my water bottle,

chi flatiron,

and big curling iron

at the gym.

i didn't even realize this until tuesday morning

when i woke up and saw i had nothing to do my hair with.

thankfully all items were at the gym for me to pick up

tuesday afternoon.

********

the next few days are gonna be

looooooooooong.

not looking forward to it.

********

i'm doing another first tomorrow.

i hope i survive!

********

i got some free

baby shower decorations today!

well technically yesterday.

********

what a big relief!

i just got my verbal offer

to keep my job!

woooooooooohoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

*******

thank goodness too,

because yesterday i booked my summer trip

to RI!

********

strike! 60min

mom's visit

2011-05-10T20:50:00.005-06:00

alright, you've been patient long enough. now for the details of my mom's visit.
first let me say, that i was so ready for a couple of days off. i think total this year i've only taken 4 days off from work, 2 of which were yesterday and friday. so having some time off from work was well deserved.
thursday i only worked a half day to prepare and finish cleaning my house for my mom's arrival. once she arrived we went home, changed, and headed to strike! what a trooper my mom is. this class is intense, and she kept going the whole time! she even did a few mountain climbers! i was super impressed.
friday was all about food. we ate a lot. we started out at turley's in boulder. this stuff is good. all organic and homemade goodness. yum yum and yum. just as we were finishing up our meal my mom decided to get a banana walnut pancake to share. again ~ yum!
after turley's i registered for the BolderBoulder! i can't believe i'm really gonna do this race! no backing out now.
the adventure in boulder continued with a hike around wonderland lake. it was beautiful out, and created a great atmosphere to have some good quality mother/daughter talks.

wonderland lake, boulder, co

after our hike we enjoyed an afternoon snack at ripple. now i'm not much of a yogurt fan, but this stuff is some amazing frozen yogurt. it more so tastes like ice cream. you get to make your own frozen yogurt creation with all of the toppings you could imagine!

i <3 me some ripple!

after our day in boulder we ran home to get ready for a night out at ocean prime a brand new seafood place downtown. some more quality conversation was had about my life, and what's in store next. my mom is very much so connected to what is about to happen in my life, and throughout our conversation we were close to tears as to the change coming.

mom and i at ocean prime

a-mazing dessert ~ peanut butter mousse cake!

saturday was a pretty lazy day. we slept in, had a good breakfast, played a round of miniature golf in the afternoon, followed by some shopping at old navy.
sunday started off with the mother's day 5k. mom and i did this race last year, and decided to go at it again this year. the weather was beautiful. perfect running weather. for some reason i can't seem to get past the stupid 39 minute mark for my 5k. i know i can push myself harder, and get a better time. mentally i just don't do it. i don't know why, but i need to work on it. although i will say that i'm proud as i compared this year's time to last year's time. and last year's time was 42:54, this year's time was 39:13, so almost a full 4 minute difference.

mom and i @ city park for the mother's day 5k

after the race we went to see my friend milena and her newborn baby boy, who is just 2 weeks old! so precious.

mom and gavin

after the race we went to elway's for some mother's day brunch. this restaurant is super nice and inside the ritz-carlton hotel in downtown denver. first class all the way around.

nothing but the best for my mom

after brunch we did some more shopping, then went to go see "water for elephants".
monday morning was jam-packed. we started the day at the mixx! this was perfect time as this is sarah's last mixx class pre-baby T-nuts. after class we got ready and had some brunch with sarah and other mixxer's. then sarah and i went for a pedicure while my mom got a manicure. perfect timing just to head off to the airport.

my mom is beautiful inside and out, and having her here for mother's day was perfect. we had a great time!

barbell strength 60min

one more

2011-05-09T22:30:00.003-06:00

one more short post. i promise to fill everything in soon.

today in random words via bullet points.

the mixx
good food and better company
chocolate toes
lots of driving
warm beautiful windy weather
iris garden's
mcguckin's
pearl street
salt
a happy night

the mixx 60min

~something i love~

2011-05-08T21:54:00.002-06:00

my beautiful mom
mother's day brunch at elway's

i absolutely love it when my mom comes and visits!
she's been here since thursday afternoon, and leaves tomorrow, and we've done lots and lots!
when she is here i get absolutely spoiled!
hello two new pair of shoes! or how about a some new spring clothes!
denver has had some fabulous weather over the past few days, and when i reached my lowest weight in october, i have found that i don't have any spring/summer clothes that fit me all that well. so we've done some shopping and some good food eating out.
along with some quality girl time, we've worked out, done lots of talking, even went to go see a movie.
such good times for a great mother's day!

5k 39min

to remember

2011-05-07T21:02:00.002-06:00

have you ever had one of those perfect days? a day where everything goes perfect. happy people, good food, memories created that you know will last you a lifetime?
for me that has been my week, and i haven't even gone anywhere! how awesome is that? it started last sunday and has continued through today and everyday in between.
my mom is here right now, and i have so much to write about. however, right now i just have a shortage of time. i will of course catch you up on the activities over the past week, but for now i just want to document this happiness. the blessings and hopefulness that i feel.
to be continued...

hike/walk 75min

~all kinds of crazy~

2011-05-05T21:33:00.003-06:00

image

have you ever had fresh
from hawaii
pineapple?!
it is so
good. seriously.
i got some on tuesday!
everyone is going to hawaii except me.
this
must
change.

********

mom is here!
and
she survived STRIKE!

********

if you don't know already,
but
if you come visit me
i am gonna take you to the gym.
this should be obvious.
just sayin'.

********

i work catty corner
from the federal reserve bank building,
and when you walk by noises come from the below the sidewalks.
usually in the morning i hear
barnyard animals.
either horses
or
cows.
it's weird, and i can't help but think there is some weird reason behind the noises.

********

i have seriously had one
of
the
best
weeks
ever!
and it is just going to get better!

********

i love it when the missing sock
suddenly reappears.

********

this weekend denver
is finally
going to feel like
spring!

********

i am so behind
on all of my TV watching.

********

glamorous

2011-05-03T23:01:00.003-06:00

the 2011 met gala was last night. i have know idea what this event is for except for wearing extravagant dresses. wearing something out of this world, and over the top hot. i have some favorites and not so favorites.
first is hottest couple. i seriously just want to eat them they look so tasty!

Josh Duhamel and Fergie

this woman gets best dressed from me. i love this dress, and her whole style is beautiful. she literally shines!

Jennifer Hudson

she is gorgeous.

Ashley Greene

gotta love a glamorous cute baby bump.

Jessica Alba

worst dress:
she looks like a spider web.

Christina Ricci

everything looks bad. sorry.

Kirsten Dunst

barbell strength 60min